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JULY 28 - AUGUST 04, 2015

City Hall Jokes

JULY 28, 2015

Paul Dyster, Andy Touma and the city finance advisory panel walk into a bar. Dyster and Touma turn to the panel members and shout, “We want to thank you for kicking the budget responsibility can down the road to Albany! Drinks and dinner on us!”

“The New York State Comptroller’s audit of city finances? What New York State Comptroller’s audit of city finances?”

(A dereliction of duty thought bubble above the heads of the city council majority)

Carmen Granto, the chairman of the city finance advisory panel, told the mayor and council that they have, “Done an amazing job with the tools you have.” Uh-huh. The mayor and council majority had $90 million in casino revenue and they still drove the budget off the cliff. Pretty “amazing.”

How are a can of beans stamped July 20, 2015 and Paul Dyster’s candidacy similar?

They’ve both reached their expiration date.

What Mayor Dyster said and what Mayor Dyster meant:

He said: “The council was wise to approve the state finance restructuring plan.”

He meant: “Thank God they approved the state finance restructuring plan and took all fiscal responsibility off my desk!”

Great minds think alike.

A reporter to President Bush: “Mr. President why did you go to war with Iraq based on faulty intelligence?”

Bush: “Congress authorized my war!”

A reporter to Mayor Dyster: “Mr. Mayor why did you waste $90 million in casino cash?”

Dyster: “The city council authorized my spending!”

“When you’re done with your presentation I don’t want to see a dry eye in the room.”

Mayor Dyster to Carmen Granto minutes before Granto addressed the city council last week.

“Great job, you actually had me believing that nonsense.”

Mayor Dyster to Carmen Granto minutes after Granto addressed the city council last week.

The Paul Dyster Fan Club announced the location of their next meeting. It’s the corner booth at McDonalds in the city market.

Firemen, save this budget! After faithfully supporting Paul Dyster with large campaign donations since 2007 the mayor surprised the firefighters union by handing all city fiscal responsibility over to the state. Proving once again that there are two types of people in Dyster’s world: the ones he already screwed over and the ones he eventually screws over.


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City Hall Jokes

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