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SEP 23- SEP 30, 2014

Rat Story Last Week Had Legs

September 23, 2014

Last week our story on rats really got legs, as they say in the news businesss. So we thought, since this rat problem is something that Mayor Paul Dyster could really sink his teeth into, we though we might make with the jokes…

You know things have gotten really bad when the rats in LaSalle are complaining about the high taxes.

City hall employee: Mayor, what are you gonna do about the rats in LaSalle?

Mayor Dyster: The Cayuga Island residents? Just ignore them as usual.

"You dirty rats!" Jimmy Cagney walking down Buffalo Avenue.

You have to give Dyster credit…he's spinning the rat situation like crazy, calling the rats "larger than usual mice with bigger than usual teeth presenting more than anticipated problems."

The Mayor saw a rat on his historical-designated street of Orchard Parkway three years ago. It was an historic rat scurrying down the street with complete approval from the New York State Office of Historic Preservation.

Niagara Falls needs a Pied Piper and all they have is a Plowed Mayor.

Donna Owens suggested working to "normalize" the rat problem by launching "take a rat to work day." Owens said, "After all, rats are people too, I think…aren't they?"

A rat is only a hamster with a thyroid condition according to an unnamed official in city hall.

"I love rats" - a rat snake.

"Rats taste just like chicken" - a house cat.

Hey LaSalle, Hollywood is calling! Film producers are thinking of filming the sequel to "Ben" in your neighborhood. "There's plenty of native rat talent in the city," said Lanny Piscopo of Searchlight Films.

Mayor Dyster stated that: "rats are furry like a kitten and squeak like a baby's toy, so what do the LaSalle residents have against kittens and baby toys?"

Dennis Virtuoso, director of Code Enforcement, announced the new "city rat initiative." The city is giving every LaSalle homeowner one baseball bat and a dozen Hefty bags. "This program has winner written all over it!" declared Virtuoso.

Dyster was overheard at a staff meeting saying, "people call squirrels 'bushy tailed rats' so let's start calling the rats 'thin tailed squirrels.' Problem solved!"

"Rats spelled backwards is STAR," said the mayor." I find something uniquely mysterious and meaningful in that."

Rats eat garbage, mark their trail with urine, bite when cornered and carry disease. To this statement of fact His Honor replied, "What's your point?"





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Letters to the Editor
Rat Story Last Week Had Legs

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©2014 The Niagara Falls Reporter Inc.
POB 3083, Niagara Falls, N.Y. 14304
Phone: (716) 284-5595

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato
Managing Editor: Dr. Chitra Selvaraj
Senior Editor: Tony Farina