This Week in Stupid Crime

Bicycle getaway here

A tool shed located behind a church on South Avenue proved a tempting target for an utterly inept burglar last week.

Neighbors called police when they saw Otis Evans, 53, of 1041 Centre Ave., breaking into the tool shed, taking a ladder, and making his escape on a bicycle he may have stolen somewhere else, police said.

A witness description of a hapless, hoodie-wearing, 53-year-old astride a two wheeler like a big boy and carrying a ladder was all the cops needed. They spotted Evans pedaling furiously down Cleveland Ave. and pulled him over.

In addition to the ladder, Evans had also stolen a flashlight and a crescent wrench, the estimated value of the items being set at $200. They also relieved him of a hacksaw and a Swiss Army knife he'd apparently used to defeat the lock on the shed.

Evans was chauffeured to the North Main Street police station, where he was booked on charges of possessing stolen property and burglary tools.

Police then gave the suspect time to reflect on the error of his ways in the locked confines of a cozy and well lit jail cell.

***

Teens Malik Mulkey and Eduardo Martinez Jr., both 17, might have learned a lesson from the folly of Otis Evans but they could not since at about the same time they were busy burglarizing a vacant house in the 1800 block of Ontario Ave..

Neighbors called the cops with reports of a burglary in progress and cops arriving on the scene surprised Mulkey and Martinez just as they were exiting the abandoned structure.

Drawing their service weapons, officers ordered the pair to the ground, where they were frisked. Each was found to be in possession of a flathead screwdriver, apparently used to gain entry to the house, and Martinez also had a hammer and a flashlight on him.

Asked what they were doing in the house, Martinez told officers "We were in there just being nosey." Cops were not amused.

Mulkey and Martinez were taken to the police station, where they were booked on charges of burglary in the third degree and possession of burglary tools.

***

If you called LaSalle Taxi last week hoping to get a safe and dependable ride from one point to another, you couldn't have done worse than to have had Kimberlee Dixon for your cabbie.

Dixon was pulled over by police in the Niagara Frontier Transportation Authority's lot on Portage Road and asked to step out of the cab. She could hardly stand up, police said.

After failing numerous sobriety tests, she was placed under arrest and booked on a laundry list of charges including DWI, possession of a controlled substance, driving a taxi without a taxi license and driving while her regular license was under suspension.

So if you're looking for honest work, and we know that many of you are, you might want to give LaSalle Taxi a call. They've probably got an opening.

***

You'd think that, after weeks and weeks of our reporting on the plague of automobile break-ins in the city's South End tourist district, people would learn not to leave valuables in their cars.

Apparently, one female student at the NCCC Culinary Institute is not a regular reader, since she left her expensive brown leather Dereon purse on the front seat of her locked car while attending class.

That was like honey to the bee for an unknown suspect who pried open the driver's side door without too much trouble and made off with the bag, which contained $30 in cash, the victim's driver's license and Social Security card and seven different credit cards.

It was an expensive lesson, and not the kind they teach at cooking school.

***

A routine traffic stop proved disastrous for Javon Johnson, 23, of North Tonawanda last week.

Niagara Falls police pulled Johnson over because of an equipment violation on the car he was driving and, before it was over, he found himself charged with driving without a license, aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, possession of marijuana and unlawful possession of marijuana as well as being cited for the equipment violation.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed in the morning.

***

The New Star Chinese Buffet on Niagara Falls Blvd. is a great place to eat, but you really ought to bring along enough money to cover the cost of their low-priced menu.

One night last week, police were called to the eatery after a white male accompanied by two white females enjoyed the buffet and then walked out without paying.

Two restaurant employees followed the trio out into the parking lot, where they saw them getting into a late model Chrysler Pacifica, which almost ran them down as it sped for the scene.

Cops responding to the scene had a hard time figuring out what the heck happened, since the victims' spoke mostly Chinese.

The amount of the bill was just $27.51, which would have been a pretty cheap date even if the trio had paid their tab.

***

You've really got to wonder about a guy who would rob his own grandparents. But that's exactly what Kshawn Sistrunk stands accused of today.

Police said the grandparents were away for a carefree evening of playing bingo when Sistrunk, 18, and an employee of Delta Sonic, broke into his grandfather's locked dresser and made off with $1,000 cash and 110 Lortab pills.

He told his grandparents he would try to get the money and the pills back but was unsuccessful so they called police.

He confessed to the theft, saying that he used the $1,000 and the money generated from selling the pills to buy some expensive new clothes.

He won't need those new clothes where he's going, since the county issues you one of those orange jumpsuits.