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JUNE 02 - JUNE 10, 2015

City Hall Jokes

JUNE 02, 2015

Mayor Dyster and three residents of 72nd Street walk into a bar. The mayor turns to the bartender and says: “Drinks for my friends and make sure they get plenty of ice!”

“By the time my hand-picked consultant finishes the test digging on 72nd Street no one will remember that I hid the 2014 engineering report that proved the pipes were too shallow.” (A devious thought bubble above Paul Dyster’s head)

Nothing succeeds like the subsidy of success. Third Street, an essentially government subsidized street, just tried to prove that the street’s businesses are successful by holding a government subsidized block party. A façade on a Hollywood back lot is more real.

Well, color us surprised. Dyster and his council approved the spending of more casino funds. This time for the SPCA contract and police 911equipment. Since casino cash is supposed to be used for economic development we’ll buy the mayor a six-pack of his favorite brew if he can explain how 911equipment and the animal control agreement fit the parameters of casino revenue law.

The mayor held a press conference last week on 72nd Street to tell the media that he was determined to get to the bottom of the freezing pipes mystery. He didn’t, however, express any interest in getting to the bottom of the “Dyster anonymous fund” mystery.

Mission accomplished. Gus the Goose and several Cayuga Island residents informed the Reporter that the Jayne Park goose population has largely abandoned the park in the wake of the Dyster-DeSantis “renovation.” Gus told the Reporter, “Dyster and DeSantis destroyed the park in order to save it.” Gus is now circulating “Jayne Park honks me off!” bumper stickers.

Tackling unemployment one political job at time. Paul Dyster has lined up Johnny Destino for the director of Purchasing job at city hall. Now, if Dyster can find approximately 5,457 more jobs in city hall for the locally out-of-work he’ll have ended unemployment.

As work begins on the 2016 budget the early word is that – surprise, surprise – the current city deficit is $4,000,000! Which is what it’s been for the past five years…in spite of the fact that each year that deficit was CLOSED with casino cash. That’s no joke but it’s a genuine mystery!

Tomato- toe-ma-to. Paul Dyster is calling the excavations on 72nd Street “test trenches.” We prefer to call them “Holes in the street designed to cloud the fact that Dyster hid the 2014 engineering report that laid blame on the city for the shallow pipes.”


Seth Piccirillo and Mayor Dyster have taken verbal bureaucratic duplicity to a new and frightening level by referring to the blacktop in Jayne Park as an “asphalt trail.” With that in mind we’ve jumped into the murky verbal waters with our own entries:
Road - vehicular asphalt egress
Death - ultimate relaxation of the autonomic breathing response
Consultant - expertise categorically purchased by the billable hour





Palillo's "Silly Season" Remains Niagara Falls Political Constant
Francine DelMonte to run for Lewiston Council
New City Hires will Work Hard To Return Dyster to Office Here
Surprise Surprise; Motorola Builds a Tower on the Weekend
Lewiston Job Dispute Pits Board against Supervisor and Union Townsend appointment challenged By Zahno
Dyster's 2011 Promises to LaSalle Residents Recalled Here
Dyster's Negotiations With SPCA Evidence of Ineptitude in High Places
Facebook Posts are Behind GOP Decision to Rescind Price Endorsement
Get Ready Cayuga Island for More Lovely Asphalt Trails on Jayne Park Plan Strives to Bring City Closer to Park
Opportunity Lost - South Moses Parkway Upgrade A Quality of Life, Economic blow to City
Topper Club Closes Amidst General Decline in Falls
Szwedo to Donate Half of Contributions To Charity, Will Dyster Follow Suit?
ECC Crisis Arrives at Legislature This Week
Local TV Ads Urge Niagara Falls Air Reserve Station Drone Pilots to "Refuse of Fly"
Ortt Wants More Information Available on Sex Offenders
Stage Set for Battle Between Curry, James in NBA Finals
Only in North Tonawanda: Who Are These People?
Penguins complaint or Twingie-pingi
Celebrated Artist Gerald Skrlin on Penguins and Their Canine Mayor Friend
Letters to the Editor
WHO'S WORSE, James Earl "Jimmy" Carter Jr. or BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA?
City Hall Jokes

Contact Info

©2014 The Niagara Falls Reporter Inc.
POB 3083, Niagara Falls, N.Y. 14304
Phone: (716) 284-5595

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato
Managing Editor: Dr. Chitra Selvaraj
Senior Editor: Tony Farina