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FEB 24 - MAR 03, 2015

The State of the City Jokes

February 24, 2015

The mayor called it the 2015 state of the city, most residents called it the state of the shi**y. The state of the city:

If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a patient it would be on life support
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a house it would be on fire
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a lady of the night her asking price would be ten dollars
If Dyster's Niagara Falls was a dog it would be euthanized 

The mayor wasn't able to find a sign language interpreter for his state of the city address. No one wanted to be accused of participating in an obscene performance.


In his address the mayor claimed that slow and steady progress was being made under his leadership. At this rate everything in the city should be honky dory by 2081.

The Buffalo News reported state of the city attendance as being 120 while the Gazette pegged it at only 80. Either the News loves Dyster 30% more or the Gazette loves Dyster 30% less.

Good news! There's now three cities with a crime rate higher than Niagara Falls: San Pedro Sula, Honduras; Cali, Colombia and, Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.

Another winner from the Dyster administration think tank.

Rumor has it that city hall will announce their "thought and action" plan, to be known as "T and A." From what we understand the one thing city hall definitely doesn't need more of is T and A.

How is Dyster's trash and recycling plan like a one year old child? Neither can effectively get on their feet.

Mayor Dyster was recently heard telling someone "just give me three minutes and I'll make it better." Mrs. Dyster was heard to say "trust me, I've given him three minutes time and again and it doesn't get better!"

This just in! Ted Baxter the pompous radio announcer from the popular Mary Tyler Moore show phoned, he wants Tom Darro to return his persona.





Walker Fails to Disclose Dozens of Prominent Campaign Donors From Dyster to Byron Brown, Walker raked in un-disclosed bucks
Show Us The Report Before City Spends More Money! Dyster says Secret Report Shows Cold Caused Frozen Pipes on 72nd St., Now he plans to Dig Up Road!
Did Dyster's Blunder Bring High Cost Animal Control to City?
The 'What If', Speech by Mayoral Candidate Jim Szwedo Niagara Falls - Dare to Become Great Again
Skrlin Releases Another Cartoon Masterpiece
Retirement Party for Kinney at Como to be Gala Event
Ceretto Fund Raiser Open to Everyone Regardless of Party Affiliation
NYS Court Officer Arrested for Shoplifting
Famous Pit Bull Website Praises Reporter
With Charlotte's Web, Lewiston Greenhouse Has Merit Claim to Grow Medical Marijuana
Only in North Tonawanda: Selling Off Ramsay Field
Not only in North Tonawanda Remington Nash Chides Sweeney Payne
A Second Helping of Skrlin Artist Produces 'Mayor Sparky'
Islam: At War With the World?
Poloncarz Pressed to Fill Key Mental Health and Social Services Positions
Lewiston Man, Son of Former Supervisor, Arrested
New LongHorn Steakhouse opens in the Niagara Falls community
DEC Draft Plan for Bald Eagles Available for Public Review and Comment
The State of the City Jokes

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©2014 The Niagara Falls Reporter Inc.
POB 3083, Niagara Falls, N.Y. 14304
Phone: (716) 284-5595

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato
Managing Editor: Dr. Chitra Selvaraj
Senior Editor: Tony Farina