This Week in Stupid Crime

(above) William "Shorty" Carson envisioned this... (below) But got this instead

Six steaks stolen

There's nothing like a good steak. And William "Shorty" Carson, a short order cook at Augie's Restaurant out on Niagara Falls Blvd., likes his USDA Prime Cut as muchas the next man. So much so that he was willing to become a criminal for just a taste of that mouth watering goodness.

Carson, 37, who does not drive, finished up his shift one cold night last week and caught a ride back to his Walnut Avenue apartment with one of the restaurant'saccommodating owners. The owner still had some paperwork to finish up, and she returned to the eatery after dropping off the diminutive cook Carson.

When the owner got back, she was approached by another employee who had not yet left for the night and had a tale to tell.

Carson had left his backpack in the kitchen cooking area during his shift, the employee said. Noticing that it had been left unzipped, the helpful or nosy employeedecided to secure it. It was then and only then that the employee noticed a half dozen New York Strip steaks nestled within. The employee left the backpack unzippedand continued with her duties.

The owner called the cops, who were waiting when Carson arrived for work the next day. He was arrested and taken without incident to the city courthouse, where he wasbooked on charges of petit larceny.

"Beef!" The late, great Robert Mitchum used to admonish in a famous commercial. "It's what's for dinner!"

Not at Shorty Carson's house, we're afraid.

***

A rash of car break ins have left a number of cars with broken windows.

 

Easter eggs stolen

This is pretty bad.

A woman was sound asleep around 12:30 a.m. one cold night last week when her friend's boyfriend woke her to tell her he just saw somebody steal something out of hervan, which was parked in the alley behind her 10th Street residence.

The friend's boyfriend had gotten up in the middle of the night and gone to the kitchen for a drink of water, turning on the light. He glanced out the window and, inthe alleyway below, saw a black male, around 5' 10" in height, with a partial goatee and wearing a black jacket over a red hoodie standing near his girlfriend'sfriend's van, holding a blue tote.

The suspect was looking right up at him, the boyfriend told police, apparently startled when the light came on in the window.

The boyfriend yelled out to wake the woman up and ran out to chase the suspect down, but lost sight of him at Ferry Avenue.

When police arrived at the scene, the woman showed them her van, the front, driver's side window shattered. All that was missing, she told the officers, was a bluetote – one packed with chocolate Easter eggs for the City Mission's annual Easter egg hunt.

The thief probably didn't know that the bag he was stealing contained the Easter hopes and dreams of disadvantaged children all across this great city of ours. In alllikelihood, he was doubtless hoping for a sack full of money, or crack.

But that's no excuse. And the Easter Bunny knows where you live, pal.

***

Gunman robs deaf people

This is even worse

The city should post warning signs at all points of entry to the 10th Street alley advising tourists and locals alike not to walk, drive, park their vehicles or evenconsider having a good time there.

They could borrow it from Dante.

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

One afternoon last week, two deaf people, a man and a woman, found themselves walking down the alley near Niagara Street when they were confronted by a black male wearing a red hoodie underneath a dark jacket. The man began yelling at them and, even though they could read lips, he was talking much too fast for them tounderstand.

Then he pulled out what the victims described as a "big gun" and pointed it at them. He kept yelling and the couple still couldn't understand. He then began hitting the woman in the face with the barrel of the gun. She raised her arms to protect her face, but the beating continued until she fell to the ground.

The suspect made off with her purse and her companion's cell phone. After making sure his friend was all right, he followed the suspect and saw him enter an apartmentbuilding on Memorial Parkway.

Cops surrounded the tenement and a heavily armed team went in. They found an 18-year-old punk from Buffalo named Edgar Mills cowering in an upper hallway. He matched the description, and was in close proximity to the woman's purse, the man's phone and a gun of the sort used in recreational paintball matches.

The female victim was taken to Niagara Falls Memorial Hospital for treatment of cuts and bruises to her face and a possible broken arm, while the man was driven to Memorial Parkway to identify the suspect.

The ID was positive. The victim particularly remembered Mill's bad teeth, he told officers. Asked why he remembered the teeth, the hearing impaired hero respondedsimply.

"I read lips," he said.

Mills was booked on felony charges of robbery in the first degree and assault with a weapon. He was ordered held without bail.

***

Empty purse causes trouble

An employee at the Olive Garden parked her vehicle in the lot near the Italian fast food franchise at 11 o'clock one morning last week and, when she finished her shift, returned to find the passenger side window smashed out.

She called the police. Nothing had been taken, she told officers at the scene, but one observant lawman noticed a purse, sitting apparently unmolested on the rearpassenger side floor. The victim said the bag contained only a few articles of clothing and some miscellaneous personal items, but cops speculated the unknown suspectswere looking for something more along the lines of cash, or crack, like the villain who stole the Easter eggs just a couple days earlier.