City Hall JokesAUGUST 18, 2015 |
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Political dictionary Furlough: the Dyster-Touma strategy of reducing the budget using targeted and timed reductions in the workforce. In other words: layoffs. Political dictionary Health insurance opt-out: like a coin the opt-out has two sides. If Andy Touma grabs the opt-out it’s an “earned” benefit.” If anyone else takes it, it’s an unnecessary giveaway bankrupting the city.
The meter is ticking Mister Chairman! Several weeks ago Andrew Touma announced on the Darro show that he’ll have the frozen pipes on 72nd Street fully resolved by October. Time will tell whether the promise was a trick or a treat. Boo!
What’s going on here? Several years ago Dyster gave Bill Cosby the key to the city...and Cosby ended up accused of rape. Three years ago the mayor handed the key to the city to hockey star Patrick Kane...who has been accused of rape. Beware the rule of threes!
Dyster is now “totally stoked” about his chances of wining re-election. After placing his campaign literature in the junior golfer’s water bottles he figures he’s got the age10-17 vote locked up. Too bad you have to be 18 to vote.
His Honor has formed a “downtown air quality panel” to solve the mystery of the city’s foul smell. We know what’s stinking up the city...Dyster’s politics!
City hall survey What is stinking up the city? a) The sewage treatment facility
Niagara Falls Reporter Survey How would you describe the downtown “funky odor”? a) A skunk in the middle of the parade People are complaining that there’s no sand in the golf course sand traps. No sand in the traps actually makes perfect sense because Dyster built a Jayne Park overlook with nothing to look at. He spent $1 million to redevelop Third Street that hasn’t redeveloped. And he spent $2 million to build his Underground Railroad Interpretive Center that’s tied up in court and can’t open.
You can never be too thin, too rich or hire too many consultants. There’s some truth to the rumor that Dyster’s chosen engineering firm is being consulted in order to study the reasons for hiring an air quality consultant that will be employed to develop a study regarding the city’s air quality.
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