Niagara Falls Reporter
Home | Archive/Search
AUGUST 18 - AUGUST 25, 2015

City Hall Jokes

AUGUST 18, 2015

Political dictionary

Furlough: the Dyster-Touma strategy of reducing the budget using targeted and timed reductions in the workforce. In other words: layoffs.

Political dictionary

Health insurance opt-out: like a coin the opt-out has two sides. If Andy Touma grabs the opt-out it’s an “earned” benefit.” If anyone else takes it, it’s an unnecessary giveaway bankrupting the city.


The meter is ticking Mister Chairman! Several weeks ago Andrew Touma announced on the Darro show that he’ll have the frozen pipes on 72nd Street fully resolved by October. Time will tell whether the promise was a trick or a treat. Boo!

What’s going on here? Several years ago Dyster gave Bill Cosby the key to the city...and Cosby ended up accused of rape. Three years ago the mayor handed the key to the city to hockey star Patrick Kane...who has been accused of rape. Beware the rule of threes!

Dyster is now “totally stoked” about his chances of wining re-election. After placing his campaign literature in the junior golfer’s water bottles he figures he’s got the age10-17 vote locked up. Too bad you have to be 18 to vote.

His Honor has formed a “downtown air quality panel” to solve the mystery of the city’s foul smell. We know what’s stinking up the city...Dyster’s politics!

City hall survey

What is stinking up the city?

a) The sewage treatment facility
b) The waste of $90,000,000 in casino cash
c) The missing $1,400,000 discovered by the NYS Comptroller

Niagara Falls Reporter Survey

How would you describe the downtown “funky odor”?

a) A skunk in the middle of the parade
b) A fly in the ointment
c) A clueless boob in the mayor’s office

People are complaining that there’s no sand in the golf course sand traps. No sand in the traps actually makes perfect sense because Dyster built a Jayne Park overlook with nothing to look at. He spent $1 million to redevelop Third Street that hasn’t redeveloped. And he spent $2 million to build his Underground Railroad Interpretive Center that’s tied up in court and can’t open.


You can never be too thin, too rich or hire too many consultants. There’s some truth to the rumor that Dyster’s chosen engineering firm is being consulted in order to study the reasons for hiring an air quality consultant that will be employed to develop a study regarding the city’s air quality.







Amherst Hyatt Place Hotel Costs $18 mill; Identical Hamister Hotel to Cost $35 mill
Solving the mystery of the science museum?
Reporter asks Andrew Touma for answers
What’s the Motive? Why Would Hamister Claim $18 Million Hotel Costs $36 Million?
Top 10 Ways Hamister Can Really Make His Hotel Cost $35.7 Million
Loss of Power in Niagara Falls another indication of Dyster’s declining voltage
Did Dyster throw spitball at Cal Kern and the Niagara Power?
Dyster sends young golfers a message in a bottle: “Re-elect Mayor Dyster!”, Campaign Literature delivered on city time, by city workers
Dyster Ignores Mother of Junior Golf Entrant as Matter of Course
Attorney Cambria Suggests Leaks in Kane Case May Be Agenda-Driven
Asbestos study, demolition by city crews working on behalf of Hamister, despite ‘As-Is’ provision in contract
Bambino’s at Nifty Fifty’s Serving Up Niagara Falls’ Best Pizza!
New Lewiston Greenway Trail Seems Hard to Traverse, Fathom
Finance awkardly haphazard in Lewiston, What else is new?
Sewer Plant Stink Nothing New Here; Stench of “Flop Sweat” at City Hall Reeks
Grandinetti Remains True to Word; No Facebook Postings Since August 1
Only in NT: Fire Them if They Don't Start Listening to Us!
It pays to do business with Niagara Falls Mayor Paul Dyster
Council Candidate Rick Smith - (re) Introduces Himself!
Foreman’s Job at Lewiston Water Board Still Unsettled
Lawyer Challenges Commissioner on right to photograph documents
Various Views from those kind enough to communicate
The Truck Squad-Part 4
Settlement Seen Likely in Evans Hit-Run Case
Reporter to publish ‘Good News’ stories more frequently
City Hall Jokes

Contact Info

©2014 The Niagara Falls Reporter Inc.
POB 3083, Niagara Falls, N.Y. 14304
Phone: (716) 284-5595

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato
Managing Editor: Dr. Chitra Selvaraj
Senior Editor: Tony Farina