Niagara Falls Reporter
Home | Archive / Search
DEC 09 - DEC 17, 2014

Famous Cartoon Characters Remark on City Hall

December 09, 2014

When Niagara Falls Mayor Paul Dyster was told that the Reporter cartoons are fully protected as free speech he replied, "Free speech in city hall is like spending the casino cash, I'll be the judge as to what is or isn't allowable!"

Yosemite Sam and Daffy Duck are considering legal action against city controller Maria Brown and councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti for allegedly "defaming the cartoon industry and all cartoon performers."


Hollywood is calling! We hear that film producers are looking at creating a cartoon sitcom to be set in city hall…casting Elmer Fudd as Mayor Dyster, the Tasmanian Devil as Maria Brown and Porky Pig's girlfriend, Petunia as Kristen Grandinetti.

Tweety Pie, President of the Professional Cartoon Actors Guild, issued a statement condemning controller Maria Brown and councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti saying, "the performances by the ladies have been neither professional nor funny, two things that every cartoon performance must have."

Homer Simpson, legendary star of the longest running television comedy in history, weighed in on the city hall cartoon controversy saying, "the Dyster administration has spent $50 million on a courthouse, $45 million on a train station, $5 million on consultants, and awarded scores of contracts to campaign supporters and the only outrage expressed by the local media during Dyster's tenure has been over a political cartoon. That's not amusing, it's deeply troubling."


"I knew Betty Boop, I worked with Betty Boop, and believe me Kristen Grandinetti is no Betty Boop" Popeye.

"Chewing the scenery is one thing but swallowing it is something else all together." Blanche DuBuois on the set of A Streetcar Named Desire commenting on the performances of Maria Brown and Kristen Grandinetti.

Yabba dabba doo! Mayor Paul Dyster is hoping that his life will make it to the big screen. "The only actor who can do my life justice is Fred Flintstone," said the mayor. The mayor's comments have caused immediate speculation that the role of Tom DeSantis in the Dyster biopic will be played by Barney Rubble.


Fresh hire at city hall! Paul Dyster named a new city engineer last week: George Jetson. Dyster said of the personnel move, "Mr. Jetson is a futurist who brings a great deal to the table with a resume filled with transformational projects. I especially like the flying automobiles and his robotic maid, Rosie. I find her to be strangely erotic."

City hall is taking on stereotypical cartoon characteristics. Insiders say that thought balloons are now appearing above Mayor Dyster's head, and a comical whirlwind of dust trailed behind Donna Owens recently as she raced out of her office. There's no word yet if any department heads have been smashed flat by a steamroller and slid beneath the mayor's door.

"The Dyster administration stinks!" Pepe Le Pew.

That's all folks...

(The above is parody. These are not the real comments of those pictured and mentioned in this article.)





DeSantis Backstabs in Quest for Stipend and New Position
Dyster's Disappearing Budget Demands Explanation
Council Shuns State Financial Guidance, Will Go It Alone
Virtuoso Cries Foul on Casino Windfall
Taxpayers to Foot Bill for Dyster's New Year's Eve Hard Rock Gala
Will Dyster Delete Accused Serial Rapist Bill Cosby?
THE DIRTY DOZEN: 12 tasteless jokes about America's (once) favorite comedian
Dyster Administration Considers Banning Reporter from City Hall
Is a Town Tax Inevitable in Lewiston?
State Parks Closes Restrooms on Gorge Tourists, Residents Inconvenienced
Skrlin Critics Continue to Praise His Genius
Famous Cartoon Character Remark on City Hall
Crogan Critics Having a Party But selling tactics seem somewhat suspicious
Variations on 'Muhammad' 3rd Most-Popular Boy's Name in England
China Pledges $0 to U.N. Climate Fund, Then Complains About Amount Allotted to Fund
Utah Man Charged for Sunbathing Nude in His Yard
Doctor Took Out Wrong Kidney
Plain Stupid, and Foolish -- Article Defending Obama
Don't Give Me That Trash, I'm Council Woman Grandinetti!
Limbaugh: 'Real Outrage Is an American Died' While NY Enforced Cigarette Tax
$466,642 Federal Study: Why Do Fat Girls Date Less and Risk More?
CDC: In Top 10 Abortion States, 60% of Babies Killed Were Black and Hispanic
Nausea Alert: Barack and Michelle Obama's First Date Being Made into Love Story Movie
Florida Capitol Will Display Satanic Diorama Among 'Religious' Holiday Displays
WNED-TV Film Explores the History of the Klondike Gold Rush
Warning Signs of Alzheimer's May be More Noticeable Over the Holidays
Give One Last Gift this Holiday Season with a Blood Donation
IBEW's Volunteer Efforts Bring Holiday Cheer to the City
'Whatever It Takes' is NF School Goal and Motto
Wind Energy Could Reduce Pollution By Nine Coal Plants in New York
Clearing the Deck for Jeb?
No Quarterback, No Playoffs for Sad Sack Bills

Contact Info

©2014 The Niagara Falls Reporter Inc.
POB 3083, Niagara Falls, N.Y. 14304
Phone: (716) 284-5595

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Frank Parlato
Managing Editor: Dr. Chitra Selvaraj
Senior Editor: Tony Farina