City Hall Jokes

Cayuga Island residents report that the Dyster/DeSantis Jayne Park walking path is littered with goose droppings. The geese who have fed in the park for years apparently never got the Dyster memo as to how His Honor was improving the green space. Looks like city hall chicken s--t has been trumped by goose poop.

Peter Principal on steroids. USA Niagara head honcho Chris Schoepflin - the man behind the Hamister hotel deal - has been named the regional director of economic development for the state. Who said Governor Cuomo doesn't have a sense of humor?

Political Dictionary

Council Majority: any number of council members as low as 3 and as high as 5. When that majority favors a Dyster proposal the majority is considered to be good. When that majority opposes a Dyster action the majority is considered to be bad and therefore obstructive.

Paul Dyster is positively aglow with the latest Parkway re-design bamboozle. The mayor said, "Although I campaigned for total removal of the Parkway in 2007 I now support the foolish tinkering with the speed limit and traffic lanes not to mention the pointless traffic circle. I want everyone to remember that the goal here was to make sure the Parkway delivers the visitor to the front door of Jimmy Glynn's hotel."

Mayor Dyster revealed his new campaign theme, "A chicken in every pot hole." That phrase narrowly beat two other possible Dyster campaign slogans, "A larger tax bill in every mailbox" and "A pit bull in every backyard."

"This wall is a man-made monstrosity dividing our community and choking us economically!"

A Berlin resident, 1968.

"This Parkway is a man-made monstrosity dividing our community and choking us economically." A Niagara Falls resident, 2015

Presto-change-o, the mayor has pulled another rabbit out of his, uh, hat by working quickly behind the scenes to make sure the YMCA building becomes a homeless shelter before concerned residents can mount a serious effort to save it. Dyster's little magic act has his detractors referring to him as Dyster Copperfield for his vast magical skills in misdirecting the public as the trick is played.

Nothing succeeds like excess. Fresh off their Jayne Park boondoggle Paul Dyster and Tom DeSantis have completed a Greenway proposal to "improve" Hyde Park at a minimum cost of nearly $800,000. That should get the Dynamic Duo a picnic shelter, three shrubs and a hotdog grill with plenty left over for their favorite park design consultants.

Laying a little too low? Councilwoman Kristen Grandinetti's photo appeared on a milk carton this week. Law enforcement officials are concerned but have not yet issued an official missing persons bulletin.

Political Dictionary

Voter: An individual that is needed once a year for fifteen minutes, much like a septic tank cleaner or stripper for the office Christmas party.