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So a guy walks into a pizza joint.
After handing over his order, the cashier turns away from the counter to grab a bottle of soda. The guy grabs a pile of free newspapers sitting on the counter and slides them under his pizza box. When cashier turns back with his pop, the guy deftly scoops up the bottle, the pizza and the papers and walks out.
About five minutes later, another patron comes in and goes through the same routine, departing with the place's remaining copies of the Niagara Falls Reporter.
We know this, and point it out, for one simple reason (which somehow escaped these two criminal masterminds) -- THE PLACE HAS A VIDEO CAMERA.
The big difference between the style of the two guys -- where the first pulled the maneuver smoothly, as if he might have done it once or twice before, Brainiac No. 2 glanced around nervously before making such a bold move.
Some of the conspiracy theorists around the offices of the Reporter believe that the theft (and, in an odd twist of the law, swiping a stack of free newspapers is actually considered theft) had something to do with last week's cover story on the Laborers International Union's investigation of Local 91.
But that would be pretty stupid. After all, there were roughly 19,900 other copies of last week's paper floating around Niagara and Erie counties, not to mention the Internet edition (which stays online forever in our archives).
I prefer to believe that the two desperadoes were just particularly enthusiastic readers who wanted to deliver the paper to shut-ins. Or maybe they were just a pair of strangers who coincidentally needed material for puppy training or fish wrapping (and tests show that Niagara Falls Reporter newsprint is twice as absorbent as the other leading brand).
But Reporter Publisher Bruce Battaglia tends to be rather humorless about this sort of thing. So now the authorities are involved, with a copy of the videotape -- which shows the faces of the two men quite clearly -- in hand.
Investigators are particularly interested in seeing if the faces on the videotape match up with the mug shots of anyone arrested in the last few years, whether for union-related violence or other offenses.
So, a word of advice: If you really, really need more than a couple copies of the Reporter (and there's nothing wrong with grabbing an extra for a friend), just call us at the office and Bruce will be more than happy to hook you up.
After all, getting arrested for stealing free newspapers would seem like a particularly embarrassing item to have on one's rap sheet. And imagine trying to explain that one to your cellmate.
Jake, Jim or Irene?
Quite a choice.
Irene Elia took the oath of office as mayor more than 27 months ago -- long enough to draw some comparisons to her two immediate predecessors, Jake Palillo and Jim Galie.
Two Donn Esmonde columns in the Buffalo News over the past few weeks contrasted Buffalo's last two CEOs, Jimmy Griffin and Tony Masiello. Since imitation is the sincerest form of journalism, Citycide proudly presents the first (and very possibly last) My Favorite Mayor Survey. Here's how it works: Rank Elia, Galie and Palillo from "best" to "worst," or, for you more cynical types, from "least lousy" to "most lousy."
Griffin steamrollered Masiello in Esmonde's poll, largely due to a few memorable quotes and Jimmy's uniquely cranky personality. That's mainly because it's tough to argue that one accomplished more than the other, or achieved anything at all.
Same goes for our race, a three-way battle in keeping with the city's quadrennial showdown, or as some more skeptical observers call it, Picking the Least of Three Evils.
Quick -- name the biggest achievement by each of the last three mayors. As Dwight Eisenhower said when asked to choose then-Vice President Richard Nixon's main contribution over the previous eight years: "Get back to me in a week. I'm sure I'll think of something."
To be fair, it ain't an easy job. Fiorello La Guardia himself may not have been able to navigate the maze of parochialism and self-interest that swallowed many a good idea over the last, oh, half-century or so.
Niagara Falls' three most recent mayors each took office with the best of intentions. Their thanks -- scorn, ridicule and bumper stickers.
The city charter was amended before the 1987 election to give the mayor more power, ostensibly to help break through the political barriers that prevented much from happening in the city and usually made doing something right a fond dream.
The first such "strong" mayor, the late Michael O'Laughlin, isn't included for consideration here because most of his tenure came under the old system. Before the shift, the "weak" mayors chaired City Council meetings (and voted on legislation, rather than signing or vetoing it), cut the odd ribbon and occasionally rode a white horse.
"A councilman with perfume," was a popular dismissive job description during E. Dent Lackey's administration.
Neither Palillo nor Galie got within sniffing distance of a second term -- Galie even lost his party's primary in 1997. Elia? We'll see.
One school of thought holds that when the protracted casino negotiations end with a deal between New York State and the Seneca Nation, the political run-off would all but guarantee Herroner a second term, whether or not she deserves any of the credit.
But there are plenty of observers who question whether that inevitability would be enough to create any new converts or win back disillusioned former supporters.
But back to the survey. Respondents are asked to include a few words explaining their evaluations. And, in keeping with the sort of giddy optimism readers have come to expect from this newspaper, contributors are also requested to say something nice about each of the three (in addition to any other less enthusiastic comments). And it doesn't necessarily have to be something political (e.g., "Jake's a heckuva bowler," or "Galie definitely had the best hair of the three" will work).
So start your rankings, and send them in via e-mail to dstaba13@aol.com or through the U.S. Postal System to "My Favorite Mayor," Niagara Falls Reporter, 345 Third St., Suite 463, Niagara Falls, NY 14303. Your choices and comments will be published in a future edition of Citycide.
East Siders, along with plenty of friends from all over the area, turned out in force Saturday to salute two of their own.
More than 200 people made it to the Zodiac Lounge on Niagara Street for a Community Tribute to Bob and Mary Kay Wilson.
The couple, who own Cocktail Bob's at 22nd Street and Cudaback Avenue, were building a $100,000 home across the intersection from their tavern until it went up in flames in the early-morning hours of Jan. 26.
Arson remains the suspected cause -- the nearly completed home wasn't hooked up to heat or electricity yet, and a small section of wood fencing on a corner of the lot away from the street had been broken away -- though no arrests have been made.
To many neighbors, the fire represented a symbolic loss in a decaying area where new-home starts aren't just rare, but non-existent.
"They're great people and great for the neighborhood," one reveler said of the Wilsons, who regularly host free outdoor holiday parties at a lot they own across Cudaback from Cocktail Bob's.
"We want to make sure they stay put," he added.
Not much to worry about there. The foundation destroyed by the fire has already been removed and Bob Wilson said financing is in place to start building again.
"They're not going to get rid of us that easily," he said.
Saturday's crowd also showed some staying power by eating, drinking and dancing to an array of bands that donated their time. A stirring performance by a troop of bag-pipers capped the day's events.
"This is just unbelievable," Mary Kay Wilson said of the outpouring of support and affection. "This is what living here is all about."
| Niagara Falls Reporter | www.niagarafallsreporter.com | April 9 2002 |