It’s in the Stars: Your Weekly Horoscope: June 23-29


Aries: (March 21 – April 19):

Well . . .” begins your mother as she attempts to answer your question, amid fuzzy memories of a balmy night in Cuba, several empty bottles of pineapple rum lying around the bed she had shared with the Captain accompanied by the worst headache she could remember, “I wouldn’t use the word ‘accident.”…. Mon. Am: Start taking non-drowsy antihistamines and change your name to Brian.


Taurus: (April 20 – May 20):

Your personality is like chocolate – not the smoky, tangy, exquisitely rich and full-bodied type, but the over-sweet, tooth-cracking, factory-processed, made-with-vegetable-oil kind that leaves one with diabetes and an aneurysm the size of a grape. “I’m nothing without you,” your lover tells you, which is true on many levels, but primarily because your lover is an imaginary friend.


Gemini: (May 21 – June 20):

You are a stolid person, prone to excessive and extended bursts of emotionlessness; but when you love, you love with the passion of a dog itching its face against the grain of a firm pile carpet. Weds: You think of your ex and smile–with any luck the tide will carry her body out to deeper water by nightfall.

Cancer: (June 21 – July 22):

You kiss not in a lingering manner as a connoisseur might sip a glass of ‘82 La Pin, but open-mouthed and desperate, like a hobo wrapping his mouth around a bottle of Strawberry Ripple in the alley behind the 7-11. Life on the home front has never been more serene since you left.

Leo: (July 23 – August 22):

You are like a well-watered topiary: lush, widespread, and in need of a good pruning.  You and your lovers’ lips latch to each other like two coital snails entwined, with much slime and suction, frothing as if someone had just poured salt on them. Beware of arguments at home boiling over and dividing the house as food levels run low. Wed. PM: Supervisor notices embroidered bathroom curtains missing.

Virgo: (August 23 – September 22):

Chiron in retrograde signals fame when your record low IQ test score is used to prove accuracy of IQ testing and couples your name forever with landmark study. A prospective employer, during the course of a job interview, will ask what you believe to be your worst quality, a question which inexorably leads to his suicide three days later. You excel at social events. Sun AM: Good time to buy breath mints wholesale.


Libra: (September 23 – October 22):

Your new lovers’ passionate kisses will send a warm shiver down your tender spine and make the coarse hair on your knuckles erect.  You are unable to select a bedspread, due to your raging ennui; however, you are able to purchase an assault rifle, which is probably why your lover left you, although it may have been the ferrets.


Scorpio: (October 23 – November 21):

Five week old puppy arrives at doorstep. You feed, nurture and get veterinary care. In return, it gives you unconditional love until it dies three days later.  Mars in 8th house prompts boring discussion. Your reference to boss’ wife as “deer face” make boss question your powers of observation since he calls her “mule face.” Go to Las Vegas and drink smoothies.

Sagittarius: (November 22 – December 21):

As he caresses your hair, cheek, forehead, chin, collarbone, shoulder, upper arm, and stomach, you realize that your decision to take Octoman as a lover is the correct one. The stars indicate you will find a young, vibrant, attractive person, with similar interests, a fun, laughing, outgoing person who loves the outdoors, who is allergic to you. A person more repulsive than you will become an avid admirer.

Capricorn: (December 22 – January 19):

It will be debatable what you will enjoy most about Friday night – the delicious dinner, the marvelous movie, or the satisfying sex – but one thing is clear and that is that you hope you won’t be doing it alone again next time. Weds.: Venus creates joy with cute Capricorn. Your resolve to wait until you are married is very creditable.

Aquarius: (January 20 – February 18):

Your mother died when you were nine, your father when you were twelve, which left you somewhat cold, and hardened and unable to love, though you are partial to Nando’s Portuguese style prawns. Neptune semi-square with Pluto offers romance with a sporting twist. You will fall in love with someone whose head is like a football.


Pisces: (February 19 – March 20):

You look like a pizza that relies more on the quality of the sauce than the amount of cheese. Every once in a while you feel the inconceivable, unintelligible force of loneliness come down from the far reaches of the cold, dark universe and crush you in a manner that leaves you pondering the significance of your sad, meandering existence in the face of this meaningless mass of nothing we call life, but not today, because today is Taco Tuesday.


  1. Hello, yes this piece of writing is truly nice and I have learned lot
    of things from it about blogging. thanks.

  2. I’m curious to find out what blog platform you are using? I’m experiencing some small security problems with my latest site and I’d like to find something more safeguarded. Do you have any recommendations?

  3. Greetings! I’ve been reading your web site for a while now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Tx!
    Just wanted to mention keep up the fantastic job!

  4. After going over a handful of the blog articles on your site, I honestly like your technique of blogging.
    I book-marked it to my bookmark webpage list and
    will be checking back soon. Please visit my website
    as well and let me know how you feel.

  5. I always used to read piece of writing in news papers but
    now as I am a user of web thus from now I am using net for articles, thanks to web.

  6. You should be a part of a contest for one of the greatest websites on the internet.

    I most certainly will recommend this website!

  7. I am impressed with this website , really I am a big fan .

  8. I was able to find good advice from your blog articles.

  9. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and amusing, and let me
    tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is
    an issue that not enough folks are speaking intelligently
    about. Now i’m very happy I came across this in my hunt for something
    regarding this.

  10. I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written!

  11. hello there and thank you for your info – I’ve definitely picked up something new from right here.

    I did however expertise several technical points using this site, as I experienced to reload the web site many times previous to I could get
    it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK?
    Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and could damage your
    high-quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Well
    I am adding this RSS to my email and can look out for a lot more of your respective fascinating content.
    Ensure that you update this again soon.

  12. Unquestionably consider that that you stated.
    Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the simplest factor to
    take into account of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed
    whilst other people think about concerns that they just do not understand
    about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest as neatly as defined out
    the entire thing with no need side-effects , other folks can take a signal.
    Will probably be again to get more. Thanks

  13. I am typically to blogging and i genuinely appreciate your posts. Your content has truly peaks my interest. I will bookmark your site and keep checking for brand spanking new info.

  14. Spot on with this write-up, I seriously believe this amazing site needs
    a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be back again to read
    through more, thanks for the information!

  15. What i don’t understood is actually how you are not actually a lot more smartly-appreciated than you might be now.
    You are so intelligent. You already know therefore significantly
    in terms of this subject, made me personally consider
    it from a lot of varied angles. Its like women and men are not fascinated
    until it’s one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga!
    Your own stuffs outstanding. All the time handle it up!

  16. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who
    was doing a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me lunch simply because
    I discovered it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this….
    Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time
    to discuss this matter here on your site.

  17. The way you write, you are really a professional blogger..~`:’

  18. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article.
    I will be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post.
    I’ll certainly comeback.

  19. My brother recommended I would possibly like this web site.
    He was once totally right. This put up actually made my day.
    You cann’t consider simply how much time I had spent
    for this info! Thanks!

  20. Hi, i believe that i noticed you visited my website thus i
    came to go back the favor?.I’m trying to in finding issues to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

  21. Everything is very open with a clear description of the challenges.
    It was truly informative. Your website is extremely helpful.

    Thanks for sharing!

  22. What’s up everyone, it’s my first pay a quick visit
    at this site, and piece of writing is really fruitful in favor of me,
    keep up posting such articles or reviews.

  23. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the structure of your blog?
    Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
    Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures.

    Maybe you could space it out better?

  24. Wow, this piece of writing is pleasant, my sister is analyzing these kinds of things,
    thus I am going to inform her.

  25. Good web site you have here.. It’s difficult to find quality writing like yours nowadays.
    I seriously appreciate individuals like you!
    Take care!!

  26. Hi there to every , for the reason that I am genuinely eager of reading this webpage’s post to be updated on a regular basis.
    It includes pleasant data.

  27. Hi there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with
    us so I came to check it out. I’m definitely enjoying
    the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Great blog and great design.

  28. What’s up mates, good article and pleasant
    arguments commented at this place, I am truly enjoying by these.

  29. Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you so much, However I am encountering issues with your RSS.

    I don’t know the reason why I cannot join it. Is there anybody getting identical
    RSS issues? Anybody who knows the solution will you kindly respond?


  30. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you
    create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it
    for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and
    would like to know where u got this from. thank you

  31. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this web site before but after looking at some of the posts I realized it’s new to
    me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely delighted I found it and
    I’ll be book-marking it and checking back often!

  32. Hello my loved one! I wish to say that this article
    is amazing, nice written and include approximately all significant infos.
    I’d like to see extra posts like this .

  33. I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the
    internet visitors, its really really good article on building up new website.

  34. Male, I count on that I you should just take a ticket in direction of this! I gotta purchase in the direction of get the job done.

  35. Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Taking the time and actual effort to generate a great article… but what can I say… I
    put things off a lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.

  36. I am really inspired with your writing talents and also with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid topic or did you customize it your self? Either way
    keep up the excellent high quality writing, it’s uncommon to peer a
    nice blog like this one nowadays..

  37. Woah! I’m really enjoying the template/theme of this blog.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s tough
    to get that “perfect balance” between usability and visual appearance.
    I must say you’ve done a great job with this.
    Additionally, the blog loads extremely fast for me on Chrome.

    Exceptional Blog!

  38. Excellent beat ! I would like to apprentice while
    you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a blog website?
    The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a
    little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided
    bright clear concept

  39. Hi there i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anyplace, when i read this post
    i thought i could also create comment due to this brilliant
    piece of writing.

  40. Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d
    ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa?

    My blog covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you happen to be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.

    I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog
    by the way!

  41. Spot on with this write-up, I actually believe that this
    web site needs much more attention. I’ll probably be back again to
    read through more, thanks for the advice!

  42. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I
    find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and extremely broad
    for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get
    the hang of it!

  43. Generally I do not read article on blogs, but I would like to
    say that this write-up very pressured me to try and do it!
    Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, very nice article.

  44. Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all of us you really recognize what you’re talking about!
    Bookmarked. Kindly also talk over with my website =).

    We can have a link trade arrangement among us

  45. What i do not realize is actually how you are now not really a lot more well-appreciated than you might be right now.
    You’re so intelligent. You know thus significantly on the subject of this subject, made
    me personally imagine it from a lot of various angles. Its like
    women and men aren’t interested except it is
    one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs nice.

    Always handle it up!

  46. Very rapidly this website will be famous among all blogging
    and site-building viewers, due to it’s good content

  47. Hi there it’s me, I am also visiting this website on a regular basis, this web site is truly fastidious
    and the visitors are genuinely sharing pleasant thoughts.

  48. Fastidious answer back in return of this difficulty with real arguments and describing everything concerning that.

  49. This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me.
    Appreciate it!

  50. Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could
    i subscribe for a blog web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal.

    I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept

  51. You’re so awesome! I don’t believe I’ve truly read anything like that before.
    So wonderful to discover another person with a few original thoughts on this subject matter.

    Seriously.. thank you for starting this up. This site is something
    that is required on the internet, someone with some

  52. Wow, wonderful weblog layout! How lengthy have you been running a blog for?

    you made running a blog glance easy. The overall look of your site is magnificent,
    as neatly as the content material!

  53. I always spent my half an hour to read this weblog’s articles or reviews every day along
    with a cup of coffee.

  54. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I
    provide credit and sources back to your site?
    My website is in the exact same niche as yours and my users would certainly benefit from some of the
    information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you.

    Appreciate it!

  55. I’m not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic.
    I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.
    Thanks for wonderful info I was looking for this info for my mission.

  56. Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.

    Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?

  57. This info is priceless. Where can I find out more?

  58. Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and
    screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.

    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but
    I had to tell someone!

  59. It is in reality a nice and useful piece of info. I am happy that you shared this useful info with us.

    Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  60. Asking questions are really nice thing if you are not understanding something completely, but this paragraph presents good understanding even.

  61. Hello, its fastidious piece of writing about media print, we all know media
    is a impressive source of data.

  62. Thank you for any other informative website.
    The place else may just I get that type of information written in such an ideal way?
    I have a mission that I’m just now running on, and I have
    been at the look out for such info.

  63. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone
    to do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to create my own blog
    and would like to find out where u got this from. thanks a lot

  64. Keflex Swime Flu Cialis E Viagra Effetti [url=]cialis[/url] Mail Order Chalias

  65. Howdy, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one
    and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam feedback?
    If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any support is very
    much appreciated.

  66. I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much
    more enjoyable for me to come here and visit
    more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme?

    Great work!

  67. Whats up this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors
    or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a
    blog soon but have no coding expertise so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience.
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  68. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it, you can be a
    great author. I will be sure to bookmark your blog and
    may come back from now on. I want to encourage you to definitely continue
    your great job, have a nice morning!

  69. Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an really long comment but
    after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
    Anyways, just wanted to say superb blog!

  70. Hi! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate!
    He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.
    Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

  71. I will immediately grasp your rss feed as I can not find your e-mail subscription link or e-newsletter
    service. Do you have any? Please allow me recognise so that I may
    just subscribe. Thanks.

Leave a Reply

Scroll Up.wpzoom (color:black;}