Niagara Falls Jokes

Thanksgiving is a favorite local holiday because the politicians tend to talk less when food is lodged in their mouths.

***

Nobody understands why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

***

A local man walks into the new Community Beer Works tavern on Niagara Street and says, “Look, I’m a little short this week. Can I make you a bet for a craft beer?” to the skeptical bartender.

“I bet you a scrumptious beer for the house that I can lick my own eye,” the man says, and with everyone in the bar now listening, a beer for all present in the balance, and suppressing laughter, the bartender takes him up on it. The man proceeds to pluck out his prosthetic glass eye, lick it, and replace it in his orbital socket. Flabbergasted, and somewhat embarrassed he had fallen for the stunt, the bartender shouts, “Here’s your beer… Drink it and get out!”

“I thought I told you never to come back in here,” said the bartender to the same man one evening a week later. “Wait,’ the man says, “I’ll give you another chance. A beer for everyone, including myself, if I can bite my own nose.” Well, thinks the bartender, I’ve got him now, and takes him up on the new bet. The man then takes out his dentures, bites himself on the nose and replaces them to his mouth. Again, everyone drinks as the livid bartender is now beside himself with anger at having been fooled a second time, and he chases the man out of the bar.

The man drops in for a third time the next week and the bartender is just about to ring up the police and have him arrested for trespassing when he proposes a final bet. “I bet you I can pee in a shot glass and not spill a drop.”

The bartender thinks, “Aha, finally, I’ve got this guy now!” and sets up a shot glass. Climbing up on a barstool, the man proceeds to urinate all over the bar, and when finished, leaves the bar in humiliation with the bartender laughing uproariously. “A beer for everyone!” shouts the bartender in triumph.

After a few minutes, the bartender sees none other than Mayor Dyster off at a corner table, all by himself, crying bitterly, literally, tears in the mayor’s beer. He walks over and asks, “What’s wrong, mayor?”

“I just bet some guy that I would never drink another beer in my life, if he could piss all over your bar and you’d just stand there laughing at him!”

***

dyster-beer

***

“Never allow children to participate in the beer brewing process,” advises Niagara Falls Mayor and Craft Beers judge Paul Dyster, “it’s unseemly, and besides, they add too much hops.”

 

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