Niagara Falls jokes

Theater Masks

Sign frequently seen at Delaware North concession stands: If our food, drinks or service aren’t up to your standards, please lower your standards.”

***

A tourist purchases a cup of coffee at the Cave of the Winds snack bar in Niagara Falls State Park, and complains to the worker behind the counter, “There’s a dead fly floating on top of my coffee!” The Delaware North employee replies, “No worries, it’s the hot coffee that kills them.”

***

A Health Inspector walks into Delaware North’s Top of the Falls restaurant overlooking the Falls and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The cook appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the Health Inspector didn’t already have enough to cite the establishment fuel, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.

Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.

“Heck, that’s nothing,” said the manager, “you should come back at 5 am when he makes the donuts!”

***

Another man goes into Cave of the Winds snack bar and orders soup. When the waiter brings out the bowl he has his thumb stuck in the soup, but the customer decides to let it go.

“Would you like anything else?” the waiter inquires. “We have some very good beef stew today.”

“Sounds good,” says the customer. So the waiter goes off and comes back with a plate of stew, and his thumb is in the stew.
The customer is getting angry now, but decides to hold his tongue.

“How about some hot apple pie?” asks the waiter. “Fine,” says the customer. The waiter returns with his thumb stuck in the pie. Now the customer is really getting furious.

“Coffee?” asks the waiter, and when the customer nods yes, he hurries off. He returns with his thumb stuck in the cup of coffee. By now the customer can no longer restrain himself.

“What do you think you’re doing? Every time you’ve come to the table you’ve had your thumb stuck in my food!”

“I’ve got an infection and my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a hot, moist place.”

“Why don’t you take that thumb and just stick it up your nose?”

“Where do you think I put it when I’m in the kitchen?”

***

Q: Is Jeremy Jacobs of Delaware North restructuring his workforce in response to having had his hotels and food service booted out of Yosemite National Park last year?
A: Yes, he’s contemplating laying off Governor Cuomo and Mayor Dyster.

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