Niagara Reporter
Six million tourists walk into a bar. They turn to the bartender and say, “We traveled all the way here to see a waterfall and the damn thing’s been turned off! Get us drinks and keep ’em coming, we got nothing to do and all day to do it!”
Now you just know someone is going to be selling shirts with “I came here to see the Falls and all I got was this dry tee shirt” written across it.
Heard around town last week: “The decision to dry the Falls is being made by state officials that are all wet.”
Hey, State Parks, the US Army Psychological Warfare Operations Division phoned. They want their Methods of Group Thought Control handbook back.
People are predicting that the dewatering of the Falls will create a “tourism bonanza.” Uh huh, it’ll start a tourism trend. Next thing you know they’ll be filling in the Grand Canyon with gravel, removing the elevator from the Eiffel Tower and hiding the pyramids under sun shades.
The city council and city officials have expressed great surprise at the casino revenue dropping. They also said they were shocked to learn that water is wet, the sky is blue and government officials tell lies.
City hall survey
What’s your least favorite thing to listen to?
A) The University of Iowa fight song
B) A Paul Dyster state of the city speech
C) A local talk show
D) All of the above
There’s good news and bad news with the non-stop playing of the Iowa fight song in the “Third Street entertainment district.” The bad news is it’s repetitive and annoying. The good news is the music is a lot cheaper than the $450,000 the city spent on Hard Rock concerts.
Mayor Dyster and a pedophile walk into a bar. After ordering a round, the bartender looks at Dyster and says,”We do not serve people of your ilk in here.” Dyster responds,” I am the mayor and I have to have somewhere to drink.”
