City Hall Jokes

When Paul Dyster told a group of city employees that he wanted to build a cricket field he was, ironically, met with the sound of…crickets. A delusional thought bubble above the mayor's head: "I know what the city needs! It needs a cricket field!"

Clueless in Atlanta: When Donna Owens heard about the mayor's plan for a cricket field she said, "Why do those noisy little bugs need their own field?" When asked why his finance department was allowed to create a revenue stream for a parking plan that was never approved with parking meters that don't exist, the mayor said, "We didn't juggle the books, we merely projected income that couldn't possibly be realized."

Lost in political translation. What Mr. Touma said: "We have to study the mayor's parking plan." What Mr. Touma meant: "I'll sit on his proposal for a few weeks and then approve it like I always do."

Gus the Goose, who was the subject of a story several weeks ago and who wrote a column last week on Jayne Park, has gone into hiding. Hearing that Mayor Dyster was after him Gus hightailed it out of town and is now roosting in an undisclosed Niagara County meadow. "They can threaten me but I won't be silenced," Gus told the Reporter.

Latest Andy Touma survey: When was the last time you: a) Launched a canoe b) Played cricket c) Rode a train.

Theme songs of… Niagara Falls voters, "We Won't Get Fooled Again," by The Who Paul Dyster, "The Pretender," by Jackson Brown The mayor's favorite employees, "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves," by Cher Donna Owens, "Should I Stay or Should I Go," by The Clash Cayuga Island residents, "Bend Me Shape Me," by American Breed

The Mark Hamister burlesque show is back in town and the dance of the seven veils has begun once more, this time with the Buffalo businessman supposedly applying for building permits. If past proves prologue Hamister's development striptease will expose very little skin and by Election Day the audience will go home frustrated for another year.