BILLS NEED TO BORE OWNER TO BEAT DOLPHINS

You know you’re off to a rough start in a new job when, after barely a month on duty, the boss starts telling people he’s bored with your work.

Buffalo Bills coach Mike Mularkey finds himself in that unenviable position after four games, and four losses, at the helm.

Ralph Wilson Jr. is many things. An extremely astute businessman who turned a $25,000 investment into a nine-figure conglomerate (albeit with more than a little governmental assistance), a sage member of the owner’s club who helped guide professional football’s transition from autumn diversion to year-round national obsession and a loyal guy, to name three.

Apparently, he also has a fairly short memory -- at least when it comes to his football team.

After last week’s 16-14 loss to the New York Jets, Wilson expressed his displeasure with the alleged “smashmouth football” approach installed by Mularkey, and said he wants to “open it up.”

Yes, the Bills have been brutal to watch for most of their 0-4 start. Not because they’re doing the wrong things on offense, though, but because they haven’t shown themselves capable of doing much of anything very well.

You’ll recall 2003, when under former head coach Gregg Williams and ex-offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride, Buffalo sought to “open it up” on a weekly basis. After two excellent outings, that approach produced some of the most hideous football ever seen in these parts.

In case you’ve repressed your memories of last year, see if these scores make you drowsy: Kansas City 38, Buffalo 5. Dallas 10, Buffalo 6. Houston 12, Buffalo 10.

I’ll stop there. No need to be cruel.

In order to “open it up,” you have to “block somebody.” And if there’s anything this week’s guests -- the Miami Dolphins -- excel at, it’s getting after the quarterback.

(In case you needed any further evidence of how badly 2004 has gone for both franchises, note that in a preview of what was once one of football’s nastiest rivalries, the Dolphins didn’t even rate a mention until the 10th paragraph.)

Miami’s pressure bottled up Tom Brady last week. Once New England took a lead, the Patriots were content to run, run and punt, rather than expose the one irreplaceable element of their team to harm.

Of course, they didn’t have to. For most of the second half, the hapless Miami offense looked like it couldn’t score if the Patriots defense stayed on the sideline. Unless, of course, ninth-string running back Brock Forsey threw a halfback option pass to wide receiver/kick returner/emergency kicker Wes Welker.

To further demonstrate just how awful Miami’s offense has been, those two undersized, yet slow, fill-ins again represent the spark in the Dolphins attack this week. Good news for Sammy Morris fans, though -- the former Buffalo special-teams captain may split time with Forsey. As a Dolphin, Morris has eight yards on five carries, which are pretty good numbers by South Florida standards these days.

No one can say for sure whether this is good or bad news, but both halves of Miami’s sorry excuse for a quarterback rotation, Jay Fiedler and A.J. Feeley, look like they’ll be able to go on Sunday, despite the brutal beating each absorbed at the hands of the Patriots last week.

Which means Fiedler will start and play until he throws a couple of interceptions. Then Feeley will come in and lob a couple of more. Assuming, that is, that the Bills’ defenders can hold on to them.

You can’t really exaggerate how bad Miami’s offense has been. Despite a series of solid defensive showings, the Dolphins have scored a total of 42 points in five games. And three of those contests were at home. Things are so bad, the oddsmakers have installed the equally Bills as a six-point favorite. Really. That’s not a typo.

If there has been a remotely bright spot for Miami, it’s that its defense has given up only 106 passing yards per game. That’s partially because two of the home games were played in hurricanes or the remnants thereof, partially because no one has needed to pass against them and partially because they have a pretty decent pass rush and secondary.

To turn Bledsoe loose -- if such a thing is still possible -- would play to the Dolphins’ sole strength, particularly with left tackle Jonas Jennings still questionable.

Another reason to stay on the ground would be finally giving Willis McGahee a chance to show what he can do. Travis Henry missed practice Wednesday and Thursday with an ankle injury sustained against the Jets, virtually guaranteeing McGahee increased playing time.

And if McGahee can break off a couple of long runs, or even pick up a few first downs, it might just renew Wilson’s interest. Bills, 20-10.

San Francisco at N.Y. Jets (-10): The Jets will get knocked off soon. But it won’t be this week. Jets, 27-3.

Seattle at New England (-4): It’ll take more than a week for the Seahawks to shake off that fourth-quarter collapse against the Rams. And Foxboro is not the place for visitors to find piece of mind. Patriots, 24-19.

Carolina at Philadelphia (-9): With DeShaun Foster out and Stephen Davis iffy, the Panthers may wind up envying the Dolphins’ Forsey/Morris combo. Eagles, 34-13.

Cincinnati at Cleveland (-3): Somehow, Marvin Lewis’ defense is giving up 166 yards per game on the ground. Tough to win on the road that way. Browns, 26-16.

Green Bay at Detroit (-2): Detroit is favored over the Packers for the first time since Wayne Fontes and Don Majkowski were around. But Green Bay almost has to get it straightened out sometime. You’d think. Packers, 27-21.

Washington at Chicago (-1): Mark Brunell looks like a big mistake, but the Bears’ offense is an even bigger mess. Redskins, 13-6.

Houston at Tennessee (-6.5): A good test to see if the Titans really turned it around on Monday night, or if the Packers are really that bad. Titans, 30-20.

San Diego at Atlanta (-5): If there’s a team that needs to “open it up,” it’s Atlanta. Until they turn Michael Vick loose, the Falcons don’t deserve to be a five-point favorite over anyone. Chargers, 20-17.

Kansas City (-2) at Jacksonville: The mirage of Jacksonville’s 3-0 start has faded. Chiefs, 28-13.

Pittsburgh at Dallas (-3): The Steelers run the ball better, defend better and don’t have an 86-year-old quarterback. Steelers, 23-17.

Denver at Oakland (-1.5): Maybe it really doesn’t matter who carries the ball for Denver. Especially if Kerry Collins spends another Sunday giving the ball away. Broncos, 38-23.

Minnesota (-3.5) at New Orleans: That Daunte Culpepper guy is pretty good. Vikings, 34-30.

Tampa Bay at St. Louis (-6.5): The Bucs, however, are not. Rams, 27-14.

(Last week: 7-7 overall, 5-9 against the spread. Season: 45-29 overall, 33-39-2 against the spread)