Niagara Falls Jokes

Mayor Dyster complained to Nick Melson that his wife was driving him to drink. Melson thought he’s very lucky, because his mom makes him walk.

***

All of Gov. Cuomo’s top aides and campaign contributors were sitting in the dock when the jury foreman called out, “Not guilty!”

“That’s wonderful!” shouted Lou Ciminelli, “Does that mean I can keep the money?”

***

If the mayor retired and decided to start a new heavy metal rock band, do you think its name would be “Blue Dyster Cult?”

***

Mayor Dyster was traveling down south when he came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $300, the skull of Harriet Tubman, of Underground Railroad fame. He planned to bring it back to Niagara Falls and respectfully intern it in the Underground Railroad Museum at the new Amtrak train station.

Included in the price was a certificate of the skull’s authenticity, signed by Harriet Tubman herself.

A few years later the mayor returned to the antique shop and asked the owner if he had any more bargains.

“I’ve got the very thing for you,” said the shopkeeper, “It’s the genuine skull of Harriet Tubman.”

“You cheat!” exploded Mayor Dyster, “That’s what you told me fifteen years ago, and look, they’re not even the same size!”

“You have it wrong,” responded the seller, “This is the skull of Harriet Tubman when she was a young girl.”

***

A Niagara Falls woman who, with her husband, owed the city of Niagara Falls several hundred dollars in unpaid parking tickets, was very upset, because she was afraid their only vehicle, a busted down old car, was going to “get the boot.”

The husband came home from work and she told him, “Honey, this morning a letter from the city came in the mail and it said ‘FINAL NOTICE.'”

“Great!” said the husband, “that means we won’t be hearing from them again.”

***

One day Mayor Dyster was complaining to Seth Piccirillo that on the rare occasions that Gov. Cuomo visits Niagara Falls, he stops in for just an hour or two and never spends the night here.

“I just don’t understand it,” the mayor said, sitting at his desk at City Hall as his Community Development director was giving him a pedicure, “Why won’t the governor stay at the fancy hotel I recommend to him?”

“Are you sure it’s a fancy hotel?” asked Seth, not even looking up, as he was deep in concentration.

“Of course it’s fancy, it’s the Super 8 on the Boulevard,” exclaimed Dyster, “It even has the word “Super” in its name!”

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