Niagara Falls Jokes

Delaware North owner and billionaire Jeremy Jacobs was visiting his restaurants and food stands in Niagara Falls State Park when he decided to go for a drive through the city of Niagara Falls. He drove past a vacant lot where there was a small group of children who were eating the grass in the lot because they were so hungry.

Jacobs had his limo driver pull to the curb and he rolled down his window and asked a woman, who was watching over the children, “Why are they eating grass?” She told him that many people in the city of Niagara Falls were poor because all the tourists who come here every year eat in the state park instead of restaurants and diners in the city.

Jacobs pondered this for a moment, then told the woman, “Then I insist that as many children as will fit climb into my limousine and come with me to my estate where they will eat their fill!”

“Thank you, sir, from the bottom of my heart!” cried out the woman.

“Oh, no problem,” said Jacobs, “The gardener called in sick yesterday and the grass is several inches tall.”

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On the occasion of the 125th anniversary of the incorporation of the city of Niagara Falls, Gov. Cuomo came to give a speech, which went like this:

“Niagara Falls residents… Let’s look at the amazing accomplishments here in the city of Niagara Falls since I became governor. For example, here sits Maria. Who was she before? An impoverished homeless woman. And now? She has a job doing laundry at the Hamister Hilton.

“Or look at Jamal. He was the poorest man in this city, had not even a bicycle to get around on. And now? He washes dishes at the Niagara Lodge! Or even look at Paul. He was a professional student, a lowlife beer guzzler, and such a spineless sycophant as to make even me want to sick up. Nobody trusted him. And now he’s your four-term mayor!”

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Q: Where do water board members go to resolve their disputes?

A: The settling chamber.

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Seth Piccirillo kept a pet parrot in his office, and one day told Mayor Dyster’s some bad news. “Somebody stole my pet parrot!” he complained.

“Well, why don’t you report it to the police?” asked Dyster.

“I did,” said Piccirillo, “I just wanted you to know ahead of time, the parrot and I disagree on just about everything!”

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A boy asks his Niagara Falls grandfather: “Grandpa, is it true that in 1978 there was an accident at Love Canal?”

“Yes, there was,” answered the Grandpa and patted his grandson’s head.

“Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?”

“Yes, absolutely,” replied the Grandpa, patting his grandson’s second head.