I helped make Bill Gates the richest man in the world.
As a Christmas/birthday gift to myself, I bought a big, powerful new desktop computer five years ago and, since then, I have faithfully updated, upgraded, renewed, bought and paid for every conceivable option and periphery they said I needed to keep pace with the rest of the cyberworld.
I was so amazed by the new technology, I bought a second system and loaded it up with all there was to put on it. I learned how to surf the net, rip MP3's, see pornography through the lenses of digital cameras that had to have been set up in the most ridiculous ways and uncomfortable places, and I found friends online that I had not seen nor heard from in 30 years.
Oh yes, Mr. Gates delivered a wonderful Christmas gift to me and the rest of the world when he gave us Microsoft. Well, OK, sold us Microsoft, making it possible to put the world in a box, to see life as we'd never known it before.
My computer and I began to spend a lot of time together. So were a lot of my friends with theirs. "See you in cyberspace," I'd proclaim to the mall, one by one as we each slid deeper away from each other, farther and farther apart as we tried to get closer and closer "online." I have not actually seen a couple of them in person now for quite a while. Oh, I "see" them online all the time. I get their innocuous forwarded e-mails. Like those I send to folks just to signal that I'm still alive, or should I say, "connected."
I spent many a long night staring into the monitor, seeing with my own eyes the world up close and personal, at any time of day or night. There I sat in my study, tied to the desk, sitting in my deeply padded, high-back, fully armed, adjustable, airline-like cushioned transporter computer chair, flying first-class into worlds I had not known existed, even into the past, or if I chose, into the future.
Within a few months, I had a microwave oven, a tiny refrigerator, coffeemaker, extra pillows, a lifetime supply of popcorn, blank re-writeable discs and stacks of PC magazines crammed into the study, where I slept on the sofa-bed. There was no need to leave, except for the occasional visit to the bathroom, which thankfully was just a few steps away. That little bit of exercise was just enough to keep my legs from atrophy. It was not enough for my brain, though. It was slowly turning into jelly. I could feel it.
Why bother with a bike ride, a stroll on the beach or a walk in the park, when the whole world is sitting right here in front of me, and all I had to do was tap the keys? Why spend money on a long distance telephone call when I can just tap out an e-mail? Christmas cards? You must be kidding. No need to sit down and actually hand-write personal notes on paper, stuff the envelope and then pay postage. Hallmark is online now. Who needs Christmas cards?
Christmas shopping? A thing of the past! Why bother with long lines at the mall and the crazy traffic when you can sit right there where you are, at your desk, in your comfortable chair, and shop online until you drop. You don't even have to get dressed. Why shave, and what's the fuss about tooth whitening anyway? Who is actually going to get that close anymore?
But, in spite of all the conveniences of life with the computer, I was starting to wonder what it would be like to live outside of the study.
I made a life-changing decision to find out. I decided to break the pattern. Five years is long enough to be tied to a desk, glued to a chair, no matter how comfortable it is. No more. It's over, Bill Gates, I am free. Free. Free, do you hear me?
As a Christmas/birthday present to myself this year, I've gone wireless.That's right, Mr. Money Bags. I pulled the plug. I don't need you anymore. Sort of.
I have broken free of the phone lines, untangled the cables and unplugged the wires. I am now a member of the wireless generation. I don't have to sit in my study any more. I can go out and sit in the sun on the patio, or relax in the den. I can surf while I cook, even connect from the bathroom while I ... well, you get the picture.
Thanks to the genius of the Japanese and the patience of the technical assistance geeks at my Internet Service Provider, I now am the proud owner of a high-speed DSL wireless home network that allows me to link my computers to one connection and to have complete freedom to move around the house and yard, yet still control the world from my laptop.
I have started dressing and brushing my teeth again, although I doubt they'll ever be as white as those I see online. Oh, and I'm not the only one in my neighborhood who has "come out" either. I recently saw two of them having a conversation. They were using their voices. Amazing! Afraid that they might want me to join in, I ducked before they saw me. I have not yet made the full conversion from chat room to actually talking with the neighbors, but it is definitely a possibility.
Ahhh. "Free" at last! Merry Christmas!
| Niagara Falls Reporter | www.niagarafallsreporter.com | December 23 2002 |