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It's time for another Answer and Question session with Carnac the Magnificent. A series of questions, each pertaining to the world of popular music, have been placed inside individually sealed white envelopes. Carnac will call upon his amazing powers of clairvoyance to provide answers to each question before the envelopes are opened. Remember, Carnac has no pre-knowledge of the questions, as they have been buried, until 12:01 a.m. today, inside mayonnaise jars in the back yard of Niagara Falls Reporter Publisher Bruce Battaglia.
Carnac places the first envelope to his forehead.
A.: Counting Crows
Q.: What do scientists tracking the West Nile Virus spend their days doing?
"May R&B crooner R. Kelly produce a video starring your 14-year-old daughter."
Carnac readies the second envelope.
A.: Train
Q.: What did it appear that Mike Tyson forgot to do before his last bout with Lennox Lewis?
Carnac has the third envelope.
A.: Iggy Pop
Q.: What flavor placed last in the, "Pepsi: Name Your Own Flavor of Soda" contest?
Carnac has the next envelope.
A.: Boys II Men
Q.: What progression would the Catholic Church like to see its priests make in their dating habits?
"May Keith Richards present a 'Just Say No To Drugs' lecture at your 7th Grader's junior high."
Carnac is ready with the next envelope.
A.: The Dead Kennedys
Q.: Who still haven't been fully exonerated in the death of Marilyn Monroe?
Carnac quickly fires out the next answer.
A.: N'Sync
Q.: How do the guys from Milli Vanilli wish their vocals had stayed?
"May Biz Markie telephone your wife and yell into the phone, 'Oh baby, you. You got what I need.'"
Carnac hesitates momentarily with the next envelope.
A.: Twisted Sister
Q.: What's Janet Jackson's nickname for LaToya?
Carnac quickly moves on to the next envelope.
A.: Three Dog Night
Q.: What would you call a triple-date with Janet Reno, Rosie O'Donnell and Linda Tripp?
"May you draw the unfortunate task of treating Mick Jagger's next cold sore."
Carnac has the next envelope ready.
A.: The Cowboy Junkies
Q.: What name do Michael Irvin and Nate Newton bill themselves as when they sing at Karaoke bars?
Carnac smiles to himself as he places the next envelope.
A.: Guess Who
Q.: What does Michael Jackson say when slipping into bed with a houseguest during a sleepover at the Neverland Ranch?
Carnac gets into the spirit of things with the next two envelopes.
A.: Bay City Rollers
Q.: What are E-Z papers called in San Francisco?
A.: Wings
Q.: What is the only thing remaining to complete David Lee Roth's transformation into an extraterrestrial?
"May you be shipwrecked on a deserted island with nothing but the 'Best of Zamfir -- Master of the Pan Flute' to put into the CD player."
Carnac places the next envelope to his forehead.
A.: Pink Floyd
Q.: What haircut did the citizens of Mayberry all get on Valentine's Day?
Carnac swiftly places the next envelope in position.
A.: Barenaked Ladies
Q.: What's the real reason that the Rainbow Bridge gets so backed-up on Saturday nights?
Carnac forges onward.
A.: Black Sabbath
Q.: What do church services in a coal mining town usually resemble?
"May the ghost of Elvis visit you in the middle of the night and intone, 'This time it's you who's gonna leave the building!'"
Carnac is down to the last few envelopes.
A.: Britney Spears
Q.: What will Claussen call the Kosher dills with the teen pop sensation's picture on the jar?
A.: UB40
Q.: How did the kids in the remedial English class respond when their teacher asked them if they knew how old she was?
Carnac now has in his hands the final envelope.
A.: Haight-Ashbury, James and Elton John
Q.: Name a scene, a dean and a queen.
| Niagara Falls Reporter | www.niagarafallsreporter.com | August 13 2002 |