EXPLORING THE SECRET LIFE OF NUMBERS

I have a confession to make. I'm a math geek. There, I've said it and I feel better already.

Actually, I've probably understated the matter. I'm more math-obsessed than I am a true math geek.

I mean, I don't sit down and do trigonometry over dinner, but I do add the numbers advertised on a delivery truck if I'm stuck behind one in traffic. Backward and forward and that's not to mention multiplication.

For instance, if a rental store truck were to say, "Call 1-800-555-9890 for more info," I could tell you that the sum of the individual numbers is 50. I could also tell you that if you add them where they're separated by dashes the total is 11,246. That's 1 plus 800 plus 555 -- well, you get the drift. Thankfully, most red lights in Western New York are brief, so I can keep this obsession to a minimum.

I think that numbers fascinate me because just about everything corresponds to them in one way or another. I'm convinced that the secrets of the universe are nothing more than an enigma wrapped in a riddle and rolled in an algorithm or two. I also believe that fate baits and guides us numerically -- we just have to be open to the signs.

Case in point: When my wife and I submitted the bid on our home a few years ago, I was nervous. Then the numbers set me straight. Our house number is 1881 -- the perfect number for the home we will grow old in. First, it is completely symmetrical. Turn it backward or upside down, you can even invert it or hold it up to a mirror and it still reads 1881. Not enough to convince you? If you add the first two digits of the address, 1 and 8, you get 9 -- same as if you add the last two. Put them together and you get 99, the same number that you'll arrive upon if you pair off the first two digits and add them with the last two -- 18 plus 81 equals 99. What's the significance, you ask? My bride and I said "I do" in '99, that's what.

I'm not done, though. If you multiply the numbers individually you come up with 64. Of course, 1964 was the year the Beatles invaded America and yours truly took his first breath. Finally, I took the year we closed on the house, 2004, and subtracted from it the house number. If you do the same, you'll see why the decision to purchase the house was as easy as 1-2-3.

I know there are skeptics out there. Many of you deny the importance of numbers and pooh-pooh any discussion of their close association with all aspects of our daily lives. There's nothing I enjoy more than changing the mind of a pessimist. If I'm up to the task, I think you'll agree with me by the end of this column that the numbers never lie.

First, let's agree that everything in the universe has a number associated with it and that for many of the things the number is always changing and can never be concretely determined. For example, a certain number of people are eating pizza right now. How many precisely? We can only guess. A certain number of people are reading this newspaper right now. A much smaller number of people are doing both at the same time, and if you're one of them, then I've probably just completely freaked you out.

The point is that numbers are always in play, and just like the digits on a telethon tote board, they are always changing. At the time of this writing, there were an estimated 6,573,517,990 people on this planet. That number has grown by half a million or so in the few days that have passed between deadline and circulation. One-third of them are located in two countries -- China and India. The United States is third in world population, with a mere 297 million citizens.

Seven is a lucky number for many people. What you may not know is that it is also lucky for paper. No piece of paper can be folded more than seven times -- it's scientifically impossible. OK, I know you can't help yourself. Give it a try with the Reporter you're holding -- we'll wait. Satisfied? Makes a great bar trick, that one.

A lot of folks also find 3 to be a lucky number. Would you believe that the standard roll of toilet paper has 333 squares? It's true. There is also a poker game called 333. I've played the game and have been dealt quite a few hands that resembled what toilet paper was invented to clean up. I wonder if there's a connection?

Numbers are especially unkind to left-handed people. Lefties, on average, die nine years sooner than do their right-handed counterparts. The reason may have something to do with the fact that approximately 2,500 lefties go to meet their maker each year because they misused products made for righties.

Thirteen is considered unlucky by many people, but not by me. Two of television's most memorable couples lived at houses with 1313 addresses: Chester and Peg Riley lived at 1313 Blue View Terrace, and Herman and Lily Munster resided at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. A new book is published every 13 minutes in the United States. And my youngest son, Ryan, was born on the 13th. Also, my ability to rearrange characters doesn't end with numbers. I'm equally adept with letters. If only there were a way to tie the two together around the number 13. Ah, how about this? "Eleven plus two" is an anagram of "twelve plus one."

In an effort to prove to you that numbers are indeed all around us, I will finish with a flourish of useless numeric facts guaranteed to amuse and amaze you.