The year winding down (or the one that just ended, depending on when you're reading this) ranks as the perhaps the most eventful in these parts since 1956, when the power plant fell into the Niagara River.
It would be easy to spend the next few hundred words rehashing everything that took place in 2002 in one of those "Year in Review" pieces that television stations, newspapers and magazines love to smother their viewers and readers with on a yearly basis. But we're eschewing the journalistic instinct to take the path of least resistance, instead offering Citycide's second annual Year in Preview, a wholly speculative and utterly fabricated look at what 2002 might hold.
JANUARY 1: A day after the rabidly anticipated opening of the Seneca Niagara Casino, Niagarans awake eager to see just how much their world has changed.
But in an anticlimax similar to what Bills and Sabres fans would experience were either team ever to win a Super Bowl or Stanley Cup, they find that the sun still came up, AquaFalls remains an empty pit and the streets still haven't been plowed.
FEBRUARY 13: Mayor Irene Elia officially launches her re-election campaign, vowing to cut taxes, improve services and bring a new way of doing business to City Hall.
"And I really mean it this time," Herroner says at a fund-raising banquet attended by one reporter from each of the local daily newspapers, as well a half-dozen residents hoping for a free meal. "Really."
MARCH 3: A surge of unseasonably warm weather melts the remaining winter snow, completely clearing the streets of Niagara Falls for the first time since the Dec. 16 storm.
"See?" says Public Works Director Paul Colangelo during a break between surreptitious meetings with mayoral hopefuls. "I told you nature would take care of it eventually."
APRIL 1: Each member of the Lewiston-Porter School Board files a lawsuit against each other member, making accusations ranging from harassment to collusion with the teachers' union to membership in the American Communist Party.
And everyone sues outgoing Superintendent Walter Polka, just for good measure.
MAY 23: Tourist season opens, with the annual flow of visitors in town to absorb the area's natural wonders mixing with the booming crowds at Seneca Niagara.
The offices of the Niagara Falls Reporter are flooded with calls of complaint about the traffic jams.
JUNE 17: A day after New York State completes its $12 million conversion of the former Falls Street Faire into something called a "high-tech meeting center," an especially stiff gust of wind causes the structure to collapse.
Fortunately, no one is actually in the building at the time.
JULY 10: Finally giving up on the idea of a "world-class aquarium" at the site, developers join city and state officials in announcing a new plan for filling in the gaping AquaFalls pit -- a miniature replica of the falls themselves.
"This way, tourists who want to see Niagara Falls won't have to spend so much time away from the slot machines," says Gov. George Pataki, adding that work is expected to begin in about two weeks.
AUGUST 14: Still awaiting trial on federal extortion and racketeering charges, former Laborers Local 91 czar Michael "Butch" Quarcini is again arrested, this time on charges he removed the tag from a mattress purchased earlier in the month.
On the same day, Niagara County Legislature Chairman Bradley Erck announces that property taxes will drop by 63 percent.
"We'll give Niagara County homeowners and businesses a much-needed break," Erck says. "If the state will let us raise the sales tax to 30 percent."
SEPTEMBER 9: A much-anticipated Primary Day is temporarily canceled when Mayor Elia orders all the city's voting machines impounded.
"I know state law mandates primary elections on this date," she says. "But all my challengers have been engaging in illegal campaigning, though my lawyers advise me not to give any specifics. And it's such a nice day, I think people should spend it outdoors, not crammed in all those dreary polling places."
The myriad other candidates seek and receive an immediate restraining order, forcing the polls open. After a record turnout, each wins at least one party line, setting up a nine-way race between Elia (who received the only vote cast in the Citizens for Smarter Government Party primary), Carmen Granto, Vince Anello, Paul Dyster, Jim Galie, Jake Palillo, Glen Choolokian, John Accardo and Sam Granieri.
OCTOBER 22: After attending a political fund-raising event for the 57th consecutive day, Niagara Falls Reporter Publisher Bruce Battaglia is rushed to Memorial Medical Center after suffering an overdose of baked ziti.
"Sure, it's delicious," says a hospital spokesman. "But too much of anything causes problems."
In a tenuously related story, Reporter Editor Mike Hudson and Sports Editor David Staba are charged with inciting a riot after staging a protest over a casino policy requiring that customers actually gamble in order to receive complimentary cocktails.
NOVEMBER 4: The hotly contested mayor's race ends in an eight-way tie. After the results are announced, Granto, Anello, Dyster, Galie, Palillo, Choolokian, Accardo and Granieri agree to serve on a rotating basis for the next four years.
Elia, the only candidate to finish with less than 12 percent of the vote, demands a recount.
DECEMBER 31: As the eight co-mayors-to-be prepare for the next day's swearing-in ceremony, Elia and key underlings barricade themselves in City Hall.
"Go out there and get real jobs?" City Administrator Al Joseph shouts to police negotiators through a bullhorn. "What else could we possibly do?"
| Niagara Falls Reporter | www.niagarafallsreporter.com | December 23 2002 |