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CITYCIDE: TALE OF TWO TOURIST DESTINATIONS

By David Staba

PAIA, Hawaii -- Winter weather buffeted the island of Maui last week. Of course, winter here means the temperature only reaches the upper 70s (plummeting into the low 60s overnight). On occasion, ao panopano (Hawaiian for thick clouds) cover the otherwise pristine skies, issuing the odd warm shower.

"Auwe! Make anu!" Or in English: "Ouch! It's freezing," wrote Maui News columnist Ron Youngblood.

Which shows that complaining about the weather isn't limited to areas that endure snowstorms, ice attacks and gale-force winds.

Despite the obvious differences in climate, geography and ethnic diversity, there are a few similarities between Niagara Falls and Paradise. Legalized gambling has supporters and detractors in each area. And in both locales, development stands as the hot political issue. The question here, though, is less who or when than how.

Red-blooded mainland American civilization already sprouts amongst the sugar-cane fields and eucalyptus groves. Corporate sprawl mainstays like McDonald's, Wal-Mart and Home Depot occupy strip malls in Kahului, the island's central city. But while standing in the Safeway Parking lot, the West Maui Mountains soar in the distance.

Most locals (a tiny percentage of whom are native Hawaiian, thanks largely to the disease-and-deception game plan utilized by colonizing companies in the 19th century) like the conveniences shipped in from the mainland. But they're starting to worry about the continental culture following along.

One proposed development calls for building 1,400 residential units in gated communities, along with an 18-hole golf course and a shopping area.

Outside the North Shore village of Paia, limes and pineapples grow in shared backyards. A chameleon dive-bombs a cluster of flies gathered in a dog dish. Roads knifed by acute curves wander up country, where thousands live in natural splendor and solitude. But there are people who would move to an island in the middle of the ocean where door-locking is a relatively recent concept, then choose to live in a fortress.

"They're trying to turn Maui into California," said one local.

Wailea 670, the project's decidedly un-catchy working title, has some support in the Maui County Council (the sole government of the four-island region). But it faces potent opposition led by Council Member Wayne Nishiki, who reportedly "bellowed" and "railed" during a Land-Use Committee meeting last week. The meeting dissolved over a scheduling dispute, each side charging the other with some manner of archvillainy.

Almost makes you homesick.

Political squabbling is hardly the only connection between the seemingly disparate communities of Maui and Niagara Falls, each a claimant to the title of "Honeymoon Capitol of the World."

To ease the following compare-and-contrast exercise, I've borrowed the "Tale of the Tape" format used by Buffalo native Nick Bakay of ESPN, his Web site (www.nickbakay.com) and sitcoms and cartoons too numerous to plug here. At first, I was hesitant to lift someone else's gimmick, but then I thought, if Croisdale can swipe Johnny Carson's Carnac schtick, what the hey.

Natural Wonders
Maui: Just about everything.
Niagara Falls: The immense cataracts, the river they carry and the gorge into which they flow.
Advantage: Maui. Volcanic craters, miles of white-sand or black-lava beaches and the infinite ocean prove tough to beat. Or describe.

Provocative Indigenous Dance
Maui: Hula.
Niagara Falls: Lap.
Advantage: Maui. A luscious, gyrating celebration of centuries of history, culture and spirituality edges out $20 for three minutes with a waif-like Eastern European junkie. Unless you're really into that kind of thing.

Cinematic Background
Maui: 1970s visit by The Brady Bunch.
Niagara Falls: The 1953 film, "Niagara."
Advantage: Niagara Falls. Florence Henderson, you're no Marilyn Monroe.

Mayor
Maui: James "Kimo"Apana.
Niagara Falls: Irene J. Elia.
Advantage: Push. Apana's name is more fun to say, but I'll bet he lets his library board run wild.

Professional Sports Franchises
Maui: None.
Niagara Falls: Buffalo Bills, Sabres.
Advantage: Maui. There's no Hawaiian translation for "No Goal" or "Home Run Throwback."

Common Transplants
Maui: Scions of wealthy families from around the globe and adventurous dream-chasers.
Niagara Falls: Crackheads.
Advantage: Maui. Trust-fund kids rarely beg for bus fare.

Shrinking Former Mainstay Industry
Maui: Sugar production.
Niagara Falls: Chemical production.
Advantage: Maui. No dioxin or PCBs left behind.

Prominent Coastal Highway
Maui: The Road to Hana.
Niagara Falls: The Robert Moses Parkway.
Advantage: Niagara Falls, in an upset. OK, so it cuts the city off from the Mighty Niagara, leading many tourists to ask, "What river?" But there's almost no tire-piercing lava rock laying around.

Significant Topographical Features
Maui: West Maui Mountains, Haleakala.
Niagara Falls: Mount Trashmore.
Advantage: Push. The dormant volcanoes may loom larger now, but with a little effort, our man-made mountain can catch up.

Average Length of Stay
Maui: Ten to 14 days.
Niagara Falls: As long as it takes to find the Rainbow Bridge.
Advantage: Niagara Falls. Lodging remains cheap and plentiful.

Formalized Reason to Quit Work Early and Party
Maui: Pau Hana.
Niagara Falls: Happy Hour.
Advantage: Maui. Pau Hana is no excuse. It's a way of life.

Like Alex Van Pelt throwing a touchdown pass with 40 seconds left and the Bills trailing by 20, Niagara Falls pretties up the final score with a few late points, but the outcome is never in serious doubt. Maui hulas to a convincing 7-3-2 win.


David Staba is the sports editor of the Niagara Falls Reporter and the editor of the BuffaloPOST. He welcomes email at editor@buffalopost.com.

Niagara Falls Reporter www.niagarafallsreporter.com February 19 2002