Regardless of what you might think of the old Hollywood studio system, with its mandatory work clauses, martinet owners and assembly-line production, there was a certain decorum that loomed over decisions about what could be said and shown on the good old silver screen.
When it comes to movies, I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. Freedom of speech and expression are key elements of the refreshing liberty we enjoy. It may go without saying that freedom of the press is one of the bulwarks of our national policy and a fundamental component of our system of checks and balances.
I know you're anticipating a "but," and here it comes. I have to ask the question: When is too much freedom in the wrong hands a recipe for disaster?
Whatever the guidelines are for PG-13 movies, I've got to believe they've been shattered by the obscene goings-on in "You Don't Mess With The Zohan," a film that almost defies description. It certainly defies pigeonholing. The feature is part romantic comedy, part sex romp, part terrorism thriller and part message picture. It's a goofy stew of vulgarity, raunch and egomania. Its success might depend on your tolerance for everything Adam Sandler.
The actor plays Zohan, a supremely good anti-terrorism expert for Israel. His nemesis is The Phantom, played by John Turturro. But what Zohan really wants to do is to cut hair. His dream is to be a hairdresser like his hero, styling and shampooing guru Paul Mitchell. Zohan's idea of pornography is to leaf through a catalog of Mitchell's products. After what he believes his is final battle against The Phantom, Zohan flees Israel, sneaks into the United States (there's a reason he had to sneak in), lands a job at a hair salon and helps his New York City neighborhood battle a real estate developer who wants to level all the small storefronts and build a mall.
This all seems pleasant enough for a gentle comedy, but I've only scratched the surface. Zohan is Jewish. The salon is owned by a beautiful Palestinian-American woman who is willing to give Zohan the chance to cut hair. Because he wants everyone of all cultures and faiths to live in peace and harmony, the conflicting religious issues don't bother him.
The Phantom (played with too much Arab stereotyping by an overly intense John Turturro) tracks Zohan to America. You can predict what's going to come down. As an aside, Zohan also becomes a kind of crime fighter. A kosher Spider-Man if you will. He finds a place to live after he saves a meek guy from some knife-wielding toughs. The guy's mother is a rotund lady named Gail (played by Lanie Kazan). Zohan really likes her and doesn't notice that she's quite large. To him she's hotter than an newly fired Uzi.
Will it surprise you to learn that Judd Apatow is involved with this movie? You should know his name by now, but in case you've had better things to do, he's the infantile bonehead involved with such works as "Drillbit Taylor," "Superbad," "Knocked Up," "Walk Hard" and his one acceptable effort, "The 40-year Old Virgin." In some capacity, as either writer, producer, or director, Apatow is associated with these films.
He's credited as one of a trio of writers on "Zohan," and I use the word writers loosely. Apatow's forte is filth -- visual and verbal garbage for the emotionally stunted. His material is aimed at the gross-out factor so dear to the hearts of younger teenage boys. PG-13 means parental guidance for anyone under 13. There's no parent guiding Apatow. You wonder what kind of childhood he had and why he's so angry at women.
Not satisfied with the above, director Dennis Dugan and his team of writers, including Sandler, Rob Smigel and Apatow, reach below the belt. It turns out that in addition to being a great terrorism fighter (and ambassador for world peace), Zohan is also an overly masculine sex machine. He's priapic to the nth degree. He will, during the course of the movie, have sex with scores of women, many of them elderly. He will wear very little clothing and bulge in any number of places.
Sandler worked-out in preparation for the role so that his muscles are overly pumped. There seemingly endless scatological references, including two moments during the picture when Zohan removes an object from that place where the sun doesn't shine. Dugan and his squad are not beyond a little homophobia.
All of this is someone's idea of humor and clearly somebody's fantasy, but it's not my idea of a good movie. The sex gags become tiresome and overwhelm what should have been the fulfillment of Zohan's dream -- to be as famous a stylist as he was a secret agent.
The film's Kumbaya moments, wherein all humans -- especially Jews and Arabs -- are going to live and love and grow old in serene togetherness, ultimately become tedious. The film runs past its natural ending and stretches to the breaking point (113 minutes), but nothing original has been created for a solid finish. The enterprise turns manic as Zohan becomes a caricature of Jimmy Stewart and Gary Cooper (in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" and "Meet John Doe"), but without the style, grace and talent.
"You Don't Mess With The Zohan" commits the cardinal sin of comedies -- it's not as funny as its premise. There are also many seriously vicious slams of actor Mel Gibson in this effort. I know Gibson said some stupid things that night in Malibu, but why Sandler and company felt the need to resurrect an incident that occurred two years ago is anybody's guess. The jokes aimed at Gibson are cheap shots. But then the entire movie takes the cheap way out.
If you're looking for something less bawdy or have children who want to go to the movies, try "Kung Fu Panda," a colorful animated romp about a panda named Po who strives to be accepted as a great martial arts fighter.
Po, who lives in the Valley of Peace, could teach Zohan a few tricks. The film blends Chinese history with modern story-telling as Po, who works in his father's noodle shop, inadvertently becomes revered as something he's not and has to go paw to claw with the evil sabretooth tiger.
There's excellent voice work by Jack Black as Po, along with Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Ian McShane and Dustin Hoffman. "Kung Fu Panda" is occasionally too serene, but it always perks itself up and offers some pleasant movie magic.
| Niagara Falls Reporter | www.niagarafallsreporter.com | June 10 2008 |