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THREE STOOGES RETURN

By Michael Calleri

Reportedly, the Farrelly brothers, Bobby and Peter, have been trying to make a movie centered around the comic actors The Three Stooges (Curly, Larry and Moe) for more than a decade. The zany trio were theatrical box office favorites in the 1930s and 1940s, and television favorites in the 1950s.

At one time, Benicio Del Toro, Sean Penn and Jim Carrey were supposedly associated with the Farrellys' project, with Del Toro playing Moe, Penn playing Larry, and Carrey playing Curly. Imagine the possibilities.

Over the years, studio after studio said no. Even Columbia Pictures, where the Stooges originally made their popular short films, didn't want to provide financing.

We now have a Three Stooges feature, but instead of Del Toro, Penn and Carrey, we've got Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Toronto actor Chris Diamantopoulous.

But more importantly, the Farrelly brothers movie, simply titled "The Three Stooges," is not a biographical work about the Stooges. It's not about them, not about their lives, not about their rise in show business. Instead, it's a movie created with the premise that the Stooges are around today and make a feature-length film.

It has two solid assets: Hayes is a very good Larry, and the cinematography by Matthew F. Leonetti is wonderful. It's real, honest-to-goodness bright and energetic color. Other than that, the movie is not very good.

The feature doesn't fully capture the Stooges' fast-paced anarchy. The Three Stooges made over 200 short films, and if you liked what they did, what they did worked well in short bursts. Spread out at 87 minutes, things slow down, the sight gags become repetitive, and tedium sets in. Rarely laugh-out-loud funny, the movie is a chore to sit through.

The film is separated into three episodes, which are connected by a recurring theme: Orphanages are fun.

The story begins with Curly, Larry and Moe as children living in an orphanage run by nuns. Moe is already a schemer. There are some mild diversions that don't generate many laughs. We meet some of the nuns, including the Mother Superior (Jane Lynch), Sister Mary Mengele (HBO's favorite male curmudgeon Larry David in nun drag), and a mousy nun who can sing, played by singer Jennifer Hudson, who will belt out a few lyrics, but not many.

In episode two, Curly, Larry and Moe are adults trying to make it in the real world. The orphanage may have to close unless $830,000 can be raised. Why that specific amount? Your guess is as good as mine.

In episode three, the Stooges will wrap up the plot threads about a woman wanting to murder her husband and try to figure out a way to save the orphanage.

It should be pointed out that Moe becomes a star on the reality TV show "Jersey Shore," and its cast has a lot to do in the middle of "The Three Stooges." In fact, they have too much to do, and they are rank amateurs at playing funny. I guess we're expected to laugh at how stupid they are. Isaiah Mustafa, the deep-voiced muscle-bound guy from the Old Spice television commercial shows up, and supermodel Kate Upton is a nun in a very revealing bikini, or nunkini. Yes, some Catholics are outraged.

As expected, Curly and Larry are bumbling oafs, and Moe is as mean as ever, hitting them and yanking their nose hairs and insulting them as if he's above reproach. Yes, he does the eye poke. Endlessly.

In short spurts, some of this has a comic payoff, but not enough to salvage the enterprise. It's all too familiar.

The Three Stooges exist forever on film. Why did anyone think making a feature as if they were still alive made sense? Didn't anyone assume comparisons would be made?

The Farrelly brothers claim they wanted to bring the Stooges to a new generation of children. But these unenlightened kids can watch the original shorts. The movie isn't necessary.ÊIt's redundant.

Another odd thing is that after the movie wraps, there's a coda with occasional actor Antonio Sabato Jr. and BMX champion and bodybuilder Justin Lopez pretending to be the Farrelly brothers and advising childrenÊnot to try any of the stunts they've just seen or do any cruel Moe-like pranks at home, especiallyÊthe one that involves poking someone's eyes. The unfunny and pointless epilogue undercuts the entire movie. Did studio lawyers order this disclaimer? It's dumb.

One of the biggest problems with this effort is the casting of the Stooges. As noted, Hayes is good. He understands the character of Larry, with his weird hair and naive demeanor. Unfortunately, the guy playing Moe, Toronto actor Chris Diamantopoulous, never fully captures Moe's churlish irritation at Curly and Larry. Diamantopoulous is too tall and too thin to be believable as Moe. He never inhabits the character. He's all surface. Moe was a nasty, sputteringÊsadist. We don't see that in this picture. Sasso is OK as Curly, but he has little to do because of the underwritten screenplay by the Farrellys and Mike Cerrone. The brothers forgot to bring along a story.

One of the things that's especially odd here is the murder subplot. If the movie is aimed at children, why go in that direction? Truth be told, the murder stuff is confusing enough for adults. It involves Sofia Vergara and Craig Bierko and a nonentity playing Vergara's husband. But by the film's close, it also seems to connect to other characters.

Additionally, there's a complex adoption subplot involving Stephen Collins (Mr. Harter) and Kirby Heyborne (Teddy), which will also bewilder children. And I wish to point out something about Ms. Vergara. She has made a name for herself as the fast-talking, wisecracking, foreign-born wife of Ed O'Neill on television's "Modern Family." Alas, she plays the exact same unsubtle, one-note character here. It seems that this is the sole depth of her acting range and she's sticking to it. Nuance escapes her. It's another failure in a movie filled with failures.


"Delicacy" ("La delicatesse") is a charming French romantic comedy (with subtitles) starring Audrey Tautou as a young woman whose husband dies early in their marriage. Now a widowed working woman, Tautou draws the attention of a man at her office who is not handsome or interesting. He asks her out on a date. The movie progresses from there.

Sweet and lighthearted, the film, which is set in Paris, is lovely to look at and tells a believable story about the mystery of attraction. Tautou is delightful.

The picture is directed by the Foenkinos brothers, David and Stephane, written by David, and based on his novel, which was a huge success in France. Stephane is one of the French movie industry's best casting directors. In fact, he cast all of the French performers and extras in Woody Allen's "Midnight In Paris."

"Delicacy" was nominated for two Cesars (France's Oscars): best adapted screenplay and best first film. You marvel that it's a first feature for these brothers. They have promising talent to spare.


"The Raid/Redemption" is a crass celebration of mayhem. It's a worthless action movie from Indonesia (with subtitles).

In an ugly concrete apartment building, a drug lord is in control of the property. The cops show up and battle their way to the upper floors, where the drugs are processed. Blood flows, especially as the result of numerous throats being slashed. One of the cops discovers that a relative is one of the criminals. That's supposed to be poignant. It isn't.

The movie is poorly edited, looks cheap, and offers nothing but mind-numbing violence. The lighting is garish and the acting is awful.

The director is a guy named Gareth Evans, who is from Wales in the United Kingdom. So much for bridging the cultural divide. The film is relentlessly antihuman.

Niagara Falls Reporter www.niagarafallsreporter.com April 17 2012