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Look out, Niagara Falls!
Mayor Irene Elia, local attorney John Bartolemei and top officials of Niagara Falls Redevelopment will soon be trading their lawsuits in for swimsuits as the city's former Splash Park, located at the corner of Rainbow and John B. Daly boulevards, is reborn as a water park.
That's right, the parties formerly embroiled in years of litigation will now be broiling in the sun at a pool party, set to mark the opening of the new attraction, which developers say will be up and running in less than 24 hours.
"People have long complained my administration is 'all wet,'" the mayor beamed. "They don't know how right they were!"
Traffic will be rerouted around the new attraction, Elia said. John B. Daly Boulevard, formerly Quay Street, will become one-way, while Fourth Street will be one-way every other block. Sixth Street will become six-way and Niagara Street will be one-way between Third and Fifth streets except on Thursdays when normal traffic patterns will be observed.
Rainbow Boulevard, formerly Jefferson Avenue, will become a parking ramp.
"This will ensure that nobody knows where the hell they're at, and add millions of dollars in ticket money to the city coffers," said longtime traffic control officer Thomas Winegarden.
The former Splash Park was opened in the 1980s by a group of developers who thought it made perfect sense to have an outdoor water park in a city where it snows seven months a year. Corporation Counsel Ron Anton said times have changed.
"Despite the media's crusade against this mayor and her progressive ideas, there's a little thing called global warming I think you've all forgotten about," he said.
City Administrator Al Joseph said he plans to open a sunglasses stand at the new water park.
"The old Splash Park went bankrupt and so did my old sunglasses stand," he said. "Now it's payback time."
Nancy Joseph, the city's director of economic development, said the new water park will be funded with $30 million in Community Development Block Grant monies.
"You know, the last job I had, I was a bank teller, and they never let me actually spend the money," she said. "This is just so exciting."
In related news, word on the street is that plans are underway to tear down the former Nabisco Triscuit plant on Buffalo Avenue and build a factory designed to manufacture crackers. Entrepreneur James 'Harry' Williams said he expects the new facility up and running in 48 hours, so long as he gets the tax breaks, water and sewer concessions and government funding to make it happen.
| April 1 2003 |