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Plans unveiled this week by Save Our Sights, a group dedicated to myopia and the spending of as much taxpayer money as possible, caught our eye. The group says the best use for the old Niagara Falls High School located at the intersection of Pine Avenue and Portage Road, would be to serve as a portal, silently waiting the day when extra-terrestrial beings decide to reveal themselves on Earth.
Frankly, we like it.
City Councilman Paul Dyster, de-facto architect of the plan, said much that he learned during a stint at the State Department in Washington leads him to believe that such a portal is desperately needed.
"I used to get coffee for those guys and, uh, sometimes, while I was getting the coffee, there was this girl and, I used to look at her and now sometimes I'm not even really sure she was a girl, maybe she, sometimes she'd look at me and I used to think she was trying to communicate," he said. "They wanted cream and sugar or they wanted it black and sometimes I couldn't remember."
Quite frankly -- whether that girl was an alien or not -- we're grateful for her. In fact, even if she existed only in the recesses of Dyster's all-powerful mind, we're grateful. Because she set in motion a thought process that may, ultimately, save our city.
Dyster's proposal also involves the removal of the Robert Moses Parkway.
"When the aliens come to the high school they'll want a lot of privacy and getting rid of the Robert Moses will ensure that large military vehicles such as tanks won't be able to get through," he said. "For those people who want to visit, there's still the Pine Avenue corridor. Just think how that will benefit our Little Italy merchants."
Although the old high school is a crumbling wreck of a building, Dyster said the aliens possess the technology to turn it into a "shining high school on the hill." Already, he said, he is preparing a special batch of home-brewed beer at his secret brewery that will make the alien visit to Niagara Falls even more enjoyable.
"Not too hoppy," he winked.
When a visionary like Paul Dyster becomes involved in the cesspool of Niagara Falls city government, we should all be proud. As for his latest proposal, we've said it before and we'll say it again.
Frankly, we like it.
| April 1 2003 |