This Week in Stupid Crime

A neighborhood dispute turned ugly last week when a Ninth Street man went out one morning to start his car. Officer Brittany Searight was dispatched to the scene, where she listened to the 9th St. man's tale of woe.

Searight immediately noticed that his car's hood was up, and that the oil cap and the dipstick were missing from the engine compartment. The car's interior had been ransacked and $7 in change had been taken from the console.

Additionally, Searight noticed a sticky substance adhering to the engine itself.

The car would not start, though the victim stated that the vehicle had worked fine when he parked it there. He believed that a neighbor put something into the oil reservoir that caused the car not to start. Engine damage was estimated at $4,000, and the case is under investigation, police said.

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A desperado, dressed in black and carrying a black bag was seen shoplifting at the Family Dollar store one day last week and plucky employees called the cops.

It being a slow day, no fewer than five Niagara Falls Police Department officers flocked to the scene, fanning out and searching for the suspect, who had fled the store and was last seen walking in a westerly direction.

One of the search parties saw a man cowering in the back yard of a private residence near the children's swing set. And doggone it if he didn't match the description of the suspect point for point!

Ahmed Hasan McCray, 36, of 1331 Willow Ave., the subject in question, gave up without so much as a whimper. He was taken back to the Family Dollar store, the scene of his crime, as it were, and identified by the very same store employees who'd called the police in the first place.

A quick check showed McCray had been banned from numerous retail establishments throughout the city because of his fondness for the five finger discount.

He was booked on a petty larceny charge and jailed in lieu of $500 bail.

McCray learned too late that thievery in Niagara Falls is tolerated only when perpetrated by guys wearing suits and ties.

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We don't know who David Whitehall is other than what we read in the police report, but he's 63 years old, lives at 235 24th Street and goes around town in a black limousine.

He's a musician, claims to hold a PhD., and sports a number of tattoos. At six feet one inch tall and weighing in at a trim 165 pounds, he cuts a dashing figure.

And at 1 a.m. on Monday morning, he found himself at Tops International on Niagara Falls Boulevard.

He asked a store employee where the magazines were located and was directed toward them. After selecting several, he passed a display of potted plants and picked one of those up as well. Then he left the store without paying for anything.

Police were called and found Whitehall next to his limo out in front of the store as though he'd been waiting for them. Before they could even ask him a question, Whitehall told officers, "I took the plant and the magazines without paying for them."

Total value of the stolen goods amounted to a paltry $48.56, but Whitehall was booked and put in jail nonetheless.