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Advice for the lovelorn

By Jean Topascani

Here is a letter from a sad cat and my comments to him are in italics. I hope I helped him.

Dear Jean;
I can turn a gray sky blue. I can make it rain, whenever I want to. I can build a castle from a single grain of sand. I can make a ship sail on dry land. But my life is incomplete and I'm so blue. Cause I can't get next to her. I can't get next to her. I can't get next to her.

I get the picture.

I can fly like a bird in the sky.

On LSD?


I can buy anything that money can buy. I can turn a river into a raging fire.

You got a hot mind.

I can live forever if I so desired.

Lord Love you.

Unimportant are all the things I can do. 'Cause I can't get next to her. I can't get next to her. (No matter what I do) Uh-ya Ooo-Ooo Ooo-Ooo.

Returning to infancy?

Chica boom, chica boom. Chica boom, boom, boom. I can turn back the hands of time, you better believe I can.

Actually I am a little sceptical.

I can make the seasons change, just by waving my hand. Oh, I can change anything from old to new.

How about your manliness?

The things I want to do the most, I'm unable to do.

Definitely has no control.

Unhappy am I with all the powers I possess.

You appear delusional.

The girl is key to my happiness.

The girl is blowing my mind. 'Cause I can't get (Next to her) Can't she see these tears I'm crying?

Now that crying must be attractive to her.

It’s her that I need. I gotta get (Next to her). Can't you see these tears I'm crying? I can't get (Next to her). I, I, I, I. I can't get (Next to her). I, I, I, I I can't get (Next to her ) She’s blowing my mind. Jean, Jean I don’t what to do. I don’t know what to do.

You can act like a man. What’s the matter with you? Is this how you turned out, a Hollywod finocchio that cries like woman. Boo hoo, ‘What can I do? What can I do?’ Do you want her to change your diaper you little stinker?



Last week an interested reader wanted to know if William Shatner wore a toupee. We did a toupological investigation and we determined that Shatner has baldly gone where no man has gone before. Good day.

***

Hello Friend,
I know that you will be surprise on how I got your contact email. I got it through the net when I was searching who will help me on an investment project. My name is mister William Moise am an ex-banker and will like to invest money worth of 10 million dollars. I will be interested in real estate management and building of hotels and any other business that you feel that will bring good returns. I am waiting for your response so that we will commence on the project.
Best Regards,
William

Dear William; have you considered purchasing a newspaper?

***

Hello this is is Meiya. I the young girl also searching to themselves for the playmate in a life. I think that I will not offend you and I will simply beg if you the free man? Then we can associate above these days I can answer you. How you think? Where you precisely reside tell to me? I wish to show also to you themselves on a photo and I think that you will have an interest? I wish you solar mood in this hot summer above about me.

Hey Meiya have you conisdered a new internet translation program?

 

 

Niagara Falls Reporter www.niagarafallsreporter.com Sep 25 , 2012