Niagara Falls Reporter

Letters to the editor
Dear Editor: Enclosed are photos of me that you might like to use for your new feature, “The beautiful women of Niagara.” Janet Russell, Wilson, NY Thank you for submitting your photographs Janet. Our editors reviewed them carefully but concluded you are not pretty enough. But your beard is pretty, though. Thanks... * Hello, I am Alex Pinokio, I have Male and Female Yorkies I want to give out for adoption which I will like it to be post on your newspaper for 4 weeks. Below is my advertising text. MALE AND FEMALE YORKIES FOR ADOPTION (FREE) IF INTERESTED, RESPOND TO alexpinokio@gmail.com FOR MORE DETAILS. Get back to me now with the total cost for 4 weeks so that i can send you my credit card details for you to charge. I wait your response now. Regards, Alex Pinokio * Dear Alex we get tons of emails like these that are actually scams. But somehow your name inspires trust. Unfortunately our readers cannot adopt any more Yorkie. In Niagara Falls we have been supporting Yorkies for years. In fact all our tourism, hydropower profits and all excess tax money goes to support the 20 million Yorkie who apparently do not have parents to support them. Why not try Sheldon Silver? Sorry we could not help. *** Dear editor, On October 14th of 2011 a video released by a paranormal research group claims that the Marriott Hotel, (the old Sheridan Falls hotel) was visited by two men who came to talk to hotel staff about a black triangular UFO seen a day or so before. These guys acted strangely; they didn't blink and were dressed in black clothes and seemed to be acting like Men In Black. What I was hoping you might tell me is if this really happened. Sincerely, David Waterman Yes we will look right into it. Do you know if they were beamed up to their spaceship or left the Hotel on foot? *** Did you know that Mohammad was a drunken, child molesting, cowardly pimp? The Ayatollahs and Terrorists do not want you to know the truth about Islam and promise to harm you if you tell anyone. Robert Y. Murphy AKA Marquita Islam Kaiser Thanks for letting us know. By the way were you the same guy at the Marriott last October that didn’t blink? *** Dear Sir, I would like to write to you, if I may. Your paper is worthless except for one thing only: use as toilet paper. Consider what I say. Mark Olsen. Niagara Falls Yes Sir, we did consider it. We think we give new meaning to reading on the go. Dear editor; I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but my mother says I have a pleasing smile. Would you consider me and my twin sister (below) for your “beautiful girls of Niagara?” Barbara, Niagara Falls.

Letters to the editor

Dear Editor:
Enclosed are photos of me that you might like to use for your new feature, “The beautiful women of Niagara.”
Janet Russell, Wilson, NY

Thank you for submitting your photographs Janet. Our editors reviewed them carefully but concluded you are not pretty enough. But your beard is pretty, though. Thanks...

***

Hello, I am Alex Pinokio, I have Male and Female Yorkies I want to give out for adoption which I will like it to be post on your newspaper for 4 weeks. Below is my advertising text.

MALE AND FEMALE YORKIES FOR ADOPTION (FREE) IF INTERESTED, RESPOND TO
alexpinokio@gmail.com FOR MORE DETAILS.

Get back to me now with the total cost for 4 weeks so that i can send you my credit card details for you to charge. I wait your response now.

Regards, Alex Pinokio

***

Dear Alex we get tons of emails like these that are actually scams. But somehow your name inspires trust. Unfortunately our readers cannot adopt any more Yorkie. In Niagara Falls we have been supporting Yorkies for years. In fact all our tourism, hydropower profits and all excess tax money goes to support the 20 million Yorkie who apparently do not have parents to support them. Why not try Sheldon Silver?

Sorry we could not help.

***

Dear editor, On October 14th of 2011 a video released by a paranormal research group claims that the Marriott Hotel, (the old Sheridan Falls hotel) was visited by two men who came to talk to hotel staff about a black triangular UFO seen a day or so before. These guys acted strangely; they didn't blink and were dressed in black clothes and seemed to be acting like Men In Black. What I was hoping you might tell me is if this really happened.

Sincerely, David Waterman

Yes we will look right into it. Do you know if they were beamed up to their spaceship or left the Hotel on foot?

***

Did you know that Mohammad was a drunken, child molesting, cowardly pimp? The Ayatollahs and Terrorists do not want you to know the truth about Islam and promise to harm you if you tell anyone.

Robert Y. Murphy AKA Marquita Islam Kaiser

Thanks for letting us know. By the way were you the same guy at the Marriott last October that didn’t blink?

***

Dear Sir, I would like to write to you, if I may. Your paper is worthless except for one thing only: use as toilet paper. Consider what I say. Mark Olsen. Niagara Falls

Yes Sir, we did consider it. We think we give new meaning to reading on the go.

Dear editor; I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but my mother says I have a pleasing smile. Would you consider me and my twin sister (below) for your “beautiful girls of Niagara?” Barbara, Niagara Falls.

Niagara Falls Reporter www.niagarafallsreporter.com Sep 11 , 2012