The easy way out.

It seemed like such an obvious choice. Instead of surgery or various other procedures that involved losing consciousness for varying periods of time, I would choose what was described to me as 30 “light radiation” treatments to deal with my prostate cancer. After all, wasn't it true that my PSA readings were relatively low anyway. Surely taking the easy way out would work. It usually had in the past.

And, so it seemed to, at least for a while. In fact, after the very first treatment in this series, all of my prostate related symptoms were magically gone. I began telling people that my highly professional cancer center friends had killed the little cancer I had with their very first zap...It was what I wanted to believe and seemed to be true for almost a year.

Then one evening I was leaving an event when I noticed that the little bit of pain I had been previously feeling in my prostate which had been gone for eight or nine months was now back. I tried to convince myself that it was gas or a hernia once again, but this time I knew better. I made an appointment to see my cancer center doctor, but this time I never saw him.

Instead I saw the much respected Physicians' Assistant who worked with him. This person, a Mr. Sullivan, didn't run any tests. He didn't get me in to see the doctor. He just told me that it was probably nothing and everything would probably be all right...The really sad part is that I wanted to believe him so badly. I wanted to take the easy way out so badly that I just let the whole thing slide just like Mr. Sullivan wanted me to do.

“Can't we do some tests to find out why this pain has come back,” I asked him warily.

Mr. O'Leary always looked like he was just about to doze off and there was nothing in my question that seemed to excite any particular excitement in him, a development I took as a fairly good sign.

“I'm not sure what we'd be looking for,” he replied as if he was doing his imitation of a bored accountant coming to a mundane verdict on someone's debits and credits.

I wanted to scream out, “We're looking for cancer, you idiot!”...But, I didn't.
“It's probably just a hernia or something, some little growth. I wouldn't worry about it,” he added. “I don't think it's anything we need to look into right now.”

“Ok,” I foolishly replied, wanting desperately to be able to go back and tell close friends that my concern was “probably nothing,.” thinking I was dodging a bullet, but instead only fooling myself. Exactly what Mr. O'Leary's motive for dealing with my issue so indifferently I never found out. Maybe he was tired that day or maybe it was a busy day for the Doc.

Of course, I should have assumed that this non doctor with whom I was dealing probably didn't know what he was talking about. I should have insisted on seeing my doctor. I should have insisted on tests and treatment...But, I didn't because I wanted to believe Mr. O'Leary so badly. I wanted to take the easy way out like I had in most situations in my life.
What's the lesson?

When dealing with cancer treatment, don't take anyone's word for anything. Always insist on tests. If something is bothering you enough that it's taken you to a doctor's visit, assume it's serious and act accordingly, being as ruthless as you need to be to get the job done!

Unfortunately, I didn't do any of these things at the time and have paid a heavy price for my bad judgment in all the days between then and now.