Aries: Mercury/Pluto 19°03'32 in 12th house causes good fortune. You realize you are one of the most wonderful and gifted human beings alive. Express yourself. AM: Best time to cash winning lottery tickets. PM: Best time to please admirers with your presence.

Taurus: Aries 18°23'14 in 12th affords chance to connect with sensitive Cancer. The Sun's move into Capricorn promotes prosperity. A person you admire will reveal a passionate desire. PM: Best time for accepting awards.

Gemini: Mars/Taurus 3°35'59 in 1st house. Do not make direct eye contact with anyone. Pimple on end of nose will get worse this week.You probably have no social plans for the weekend, but if so, they will result in disaster. PM: Becoming invisible could prove useful.

Cancer: Jupiter 2°50'56 in 10th house indicates monetary gain. Friday and Saturday sparkle with possibilities for love life. An encounter with a Gemini brings luck. People like you because they think you’re bisexual. AM: Best time to have unprotected sex.

Leo: Saturn/Leo 27°03'32 in 7th house plays role in reigniting romance. Your partner is a little jumpy and steals your life savings. Join an expensive health club and make a religious habit of never going there. Your colorful conversation about ex-partner may attract new mate. PM: Saturday best time to be murdered. AM: Sunday: Hobbies will be good for your emotional well being.

Virgo: Mars in 8th house prompts boring discussion. Your desire for justice and truth is overshadowed by desire for fast, illegal money. Future looks bleak. Catch up on overdue phone calls and correspondence. AM: Apply sunscreen when lying on beach for more than eight hours. PM: A short trip is in the stars, possibly to the bathroom.

Libra: Neptune/Aries 3°35'59 in 8th prompts job–related travel to exotic locale with plenty of money. Avoid extradition. Get involved in sports events that will benefit your physical appearance. You learn you are known behind your back as "horse face" and are not amused. A person uglier than you will become an admirer. Spend your paycheck on lottery tickets. Sunday PM: Domestic animals find you repulsive.

Scorpio: Pluto 3°39'22 in 6th helps people conclude you’re stupid. You will find their philosophies worth exploring. Travel, promotion, and romance indicated, if you live long enough. But not in the foreseeable future. An attractive member of the opposite sex is secretly laughing at you. Go to a bar, drink a lot, then get tattoo. AM: A friend confides in you about (your) halitosis.

Sagittarius: True Node Taurus 18°29'54 in 1st house suggests encouraging news on Tuesday will turn out to be inaccurate. Unseen forces will conspire to have you barred from using the women’s restroom at work. But for reasons other than you think. This week you’re displeased to discover you are known among co-workers as "goat face." Do not use chainsaw in AM. PM: Best time to become a transgender person to improve appearance.

Capricorn:Moon 17°47'44 in 4th house indicates you will meet an attractive, dark-haired person of the opposite sex. Then a beautiful blonde with blue eyes of the opposite sex. You will not reciprocate affection with either since you are gay. Postpone an upcoming trip to Antarctica until winter. AM: Keep away from sulfuric acid. Saturday PM: Play slots at Seneca Casino. Bring deed to your house, in order to continue playing after cash is depleted.

Aquarius: Pluto/Scorpio 3°35'59 in 11th house helps you present a public image of confidence, poise and virtuosity. Underneath this, you enjoy sexual acts with animals, but only behind closed doors. You will see a promotion at workplace. A co-worker who you treated with contempt will become your boss. Hair extending out of your nose and ears presents some social handicaps in P.M. AM: People regard you as dense, but you never notice.

Pisces: Retrograde Scorpio in 6th house makes you cold and unemotional. You fall asleep during intercourse. Getting money may improve your financial situation. Follow your instincts on matters involving a reputed mobster. Complications involving a faulty prophylactic cause you to devote more thought to a special relationship. PM: Best time to get body piercing to brighten your appearance. AM: Good time to avoid unnecessary death.