This week in crime

Anybody want to buy a purse cheap? I got 20 of ‘em.

Don’t you just hate it when you’re out on your front porch having some cocktails and somebody sneaks in your back door and steals your television?

Yeah, me too. It’s like you’re sitting there and two guys come walking down the street with a 50-inch and all you can think to say to the young lady beside you is, "Wow, those dudes got a TV just like mine!”

As residents of a Ninth St. apartment sat on their front porch last weekend, someone slipped through the back door and escaped with a $300 television set, police said.

The entry occurred in broad daylight, between 11 a.m. and 2:15 p.m., said police, who added that the back door was unlocked.

Experienced partiers know that all doors should be locked prior of the start of any bacchanalia as a precaution that can eliminate worries about burglars, police officers without warrants and even the family dog wandering out of the house and winding up as somebody else's family pet or worse.

“Lock it or lose it,” the old saying goes, and the time to remember it is just before you unscrew the cap on that  bottle of Thunderbird.

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Mold buildup is a common problem in Niagara Falls, both on people’s teeth and in residences where they live. But sometimes, a simple mold problem can turn ugly, and we’re not talking about something that can be cured with a quick gargle of Listerine.
The city’s wet climate and the decrepit nature of much of the housing stock here make Niagara Falls ripe for many of the taxonomically diverse species of fungi we commonly refer to simply as mold.

An unfortunate Third St. woman told police Wednesday that sometime since Aug. 8, someone had smashed the door to her apartment and taken $2,100 worth of items. The resident said they hadn’t been staying at the apartment due to mold buildup. The  apartment door was kicked in and among items taken were a TV, Wii game system and about 20 purses.

Twenty purses? Yeah, I think it’s weird, too. I mean, how many lipsticks and cell phones, credit cards and boxes of Altoids does a gal have to carry around these days?

Some girls carry cigarettes, of course, and there are sets of keys, feminine hygiene products, pictures of their sister’s daughter, pepper spray dispensers, spare underwear, and other items women have been known to carry in them, but 20 purses seems excessive no matter how you bag it.

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Living in the city presents us with many problems. Picking a roommate should not be one of them. I’ve always found that trying to find one who knows how to spell his own name is a good place to start.

A Falls man was arrested Friday after a burglary incident in the 1100 block of Cleveland Ave. According to police reports, Jonathin (sic) Miller, 20, was charged with second-degree burglary, fourth-degree grand larceny and criminal possession of stolen property when his roommate asked the building manager to alert police his bedroom door was broken open and a computer, television, two video game consoles, and five packs of cigarettes had been stolen from his room.

 Under questioning, Miller told police he had smelled smoke from his roommate's room, pried the door open with a butter knife, and took a “smoking computer” out to the dumpster.

Police were suspicious.

What do you mean the computer was smoking?” they demanded. “Are you trying to tell us the computer is responsible for the missing cigarettes?”

As the third-degree continued, Miller finally folded, breaking down and confessing to taking the items in question. He wanted to use the stuff while his roommate was away, he said.

Now Jonathin may be going to jail where perhaps he’ll enter into a remedial course that will teach him that his name is spelled with an “a” rather than an “i.”

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City police are looking for a music loving fisherman in connection with a burglary that occurred in the 1000 block of South Ave. last week.

A 51-year-old man told police that sometime over the weekend, someone broke into his home through an open window. The victim said two fishing poles, a stereo system, and some food were taken.

 “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime,” the ancient proverb goes. But sometimes a man doesn’t want you to give him a fish, and your own condescension and superciliousness make the time it would take to teach him how to fish an unpleasant option for him.

 So what does he do? He comes and steals your fishing poles and your food and you’re the one left to worry about feeding yourself.

 That’s just the way it is. Nothing fishy about it.

 And finally this week, a thief who also may be a snake lover or a lover of snake meat entered a 70th St. home as the resident slept Friday and stole $290 in cash and a pet snake. The snake was taken from a cage in the bedroom, the victim told cops.It is uncertain whether or not this crime can be linked to the aforementioned fishing pole heist; cut up snake meat makes great bait.

Once he gets over the loss of his pet, the victim most likely will want another, as pet owners often seem to do. We would suggest a dog, which would bark when a thief entered the home, quite possibly saving the $290 in cash.